A Message to Some Fathers

Since 2012-11-29

There is no doubt that every father wishes the success of his son in his school life. He always supplicates Allah for his success. He promises and arouses desires in him if he succeeds and threatens him if he fails in the exam. This is one of the natural innate feelings of human beings.


There is no doubt that every father wishes the success of his son in his school life. He always supplicates Allah for his success. He promises and arouses desires in him if he succeeds and threatens him if he fails in the exam. This is one of the natural innate feelings of human beings. However, O you compassionate father, while you are very interested in the studying, future and the worldly affairs of your son and feel that you are responsible for him, can you be interested in him after his death as you are interested in his comfort and happiness in his life? Your responsibility, O father, covers the sciences of such mortal life while you neglect the other lasting life. You are occupied with him in his life and neglect him after his death. You built to him a house made of mud and cement in his life and deprived him from the house made of pearls, rubies and coral in his afterlife.

Your ambition and greatest wish are to see him as a doctor, engineer, pilot or a soldier; O Allah all the wishes! Exerting efforts and striving for this mortal life while neglecting the lasting afterlife! This is not a rare case. A great part of people are like this. They prepare and work towards raising the bodies of their children while they neglect the raising of their hearts by which they love and become happy or by which they become miserable and perish. This is the reality. We have evidence, so appreciate them O kind father. Suppose that your son is late for the exam, what would be your status? How do you feel? Do you not race against time so that he may catch the exam? After that do you not sleep anxiously in order that he may not miss the exam?

I think the answer is yes. However, is your feeling when he wakes up late for the dawn prayer the same as when he is late for the exam, what does he do, how does he answer, I hope that the answer is correct? Have you ever asked him about his religious matters? Have you ever asked him whether he prayed or not? Have you ever asked him who his companions were? Have you ever asked him where he was when he was absent from home? Do you not feel upset and become worried when you know that your son fails to answer well in the exam? Did you feel upset when he neglected the optional and obligatory deeds of his religion? Do you not give him what he wants? Have you not prevented him from the amusements you welcomed in your home such as the video, TV, and magazines in order not that he will not be busy from studying and to be prepared for the exam? What will you do, O passionate father, in an exam which has no second round, no repeating of failed subjects? It is just success or failing. Failing means staying in the Hellfire, Allah forbids. It means the evident loss and the humiliating torture. What can his graduation, position, and money avail him if he takes his book of deeds with his left hand and cries loudly: {“I wish that I had not been given my Record! [25]. “And that I had never known how my Account is! (26) “Would that it had been my end (death)! [27]. “My wealth has not availed me; [28]. “My power (and arguments to defend myself) have gone from me!”}[Al-Hâqqah 69:25-29]
{وَأَمَّا مَنْ أُوتِيَ كِتَابَهُ بِشِمَالِهِ فَيَقُولُ يَا لَيْتَنِي لَمْ أُوتَ كِتَابِيَهْ ﴿٢٥﴾ وَلَمْ أَدْرِ‌ مَا حِسَابِيَهْ ﴿٢٦﴾ يَا لَيْتَهَا كَانَتِ الْقَاضِيَةَ ﴿٢٧﴾ مَا أَغْنَىٰ عَنِّي مَالِيَهْ ۜ ﴿٢٨﴾ هَلَكَ عَنِّي سُلْطَانِيَهْ} الحاقة:25-29
Transliteration:Waamma man ootiya kitabahu bishimalihi fayaqoolu ya laytanee lam oota kitabiyah (25) Walam adri ma hisabiyah (26) Ya laytaha kanati alqadiyatu (27) Ma aghna AAannee maliyah (28) Halaka AAannee sultaniyah
 My position has not availed me. My authority has not availed me. My knowledge and graduation in this life have not availed me. All have gone and vanished. Loss and failure, but what are such loss and fail if one is a physician, an engineer, a pilot or a teacher? As for the Hereafter, one is miserable or happy. There will be two parties; a party will be in Paradise (those who believed in Allâh and followed what Allâh's Messenger has brought them) and a party in the blazing Fire (Hell) (those who disbelieved in Allah and followed not what Allâh's Messenger has brought them). By Allah, we do not say neglect or leave your sons. We only say that the Hereafter is worthier to be interested in, more deserving to be sought to and worked for.

O Fathers:

Who of you was keen in bringing an educator to teach his son the Quran and the Sunnah? There is only a few who has done that. I wish who did not do that prevented his son from the factors of corruption. Some, however, unjustly have brought to their sons a driver, a servant and a car and prepared for him a house full of all the forbidden matters and the things that divert one from remembering Allah and obeying Him. Who of you has given his son a prize when he memorized a part of the Noble Quran or learned a Hadith of the Prophet, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him? There is only a few who has done that. We ask Allah to bless the few.

Some people promise their sons if they succeed in exams, they will spend the best times in beaches in any country or they will purchase a car for them to drive on roads. They do not promise their sons if they succeed that they will perform an umrah or that they will visit the mosque of the Messenger of Allah, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him. What is the consequence after such negligence in upbringing? The consequence is that the magazine replaced the Quran and the cigarette replaces the Arak toothbrush. The consequence is that they are raised as cattle: {They are like cattle, nay even more astray; those! They are the heedless ones.} [Surat Al-A'râf
{أُولَـٰئِكَ كَالْأَنْعَامِ بَلْ هُمْ أَضَلُّ ۚ أُولَـٰئِكَ هُمُ الْغَافِلُونَ} الأعراف:179
Transilitration: olaika kaalanAAami bal hum adallu olaika humu alghafiloona

It is worth if we build a body of a son to build his brain and heart and to be interested in his life after death. The first step is to reform ourselves. Through our piety and righteousness they will be righteous and Allah will care for them. Allah Almighty has said: {and their father was a righteous man,} [Al-Kahf: 18:82]
{وَكَانَ أَبُوهُمَا صَالِحًا} الكهف:82
Transliteration: wakana aboohuma salihan
The second step is to make the Islamic upbringing as a goal and target. There is nothing wrong with learning the worldly sciences but not at the expense of the Hereafter. Allah Almighty has said: {“But seek, with that (wealth) which Allâh has bestowed on you, the home of the Hereafter, and forget not your portion of lawful enjoyment in this world;} [Al-Qasas 28:77]
{وَابْتَغِ فِيمَا آتَاكَ اللَّـهُ الدَّارَ‌ الْآخِرَ‌ةَ ۖ وَلَا تَنسَ نَصِيبَكَ مِنَ الدُّنْيَا} القصص: 77
Transliteration:­ Waibtaghi feema ataka Allahu alddara alakhirata wala tansa naseebaka mina alddunya

O Father:

Fear Allah for the sake of your family as you are responsible for them before Allah. Fear Allah if He entrusts you with them and you open to them the gates of temptation such as movies, series, harmful devices and seductive and degraded magazines. You then betray the trust and betray your wards. The Messenger of Allah, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, has said, “whenever a guardian, who Allah has entrusted with wards, dies while he is cheating his wards, but Allah will forbid Paradise to him.” [Reported by Muslim]

«ما من عبد يسترعيه الله رعية، يموت يوم يموت وهو غاش لرعيته، إلاّ حرم الله عليه الجنّة» رواه مسلم

O compassionate father:

I ask you to ponder on the advice of Luqmân to his son whom he loves and sacrifices all precious things for him. Did he advise him of his worldly life? Did he advise him of adornment? Nay, he advised him of what would make him live a good life and save him from the painful torture. He forbade him from becoming a polytheist {Verily joining others in worship with Allâh is a great Zûlm (wrong) indeed} [Luqmân 31:13]
{إِنَّ الشِّرْ‌كَ لَظُلْمٌ عَظِيمٌ} لقمان:13
Transliteration:inna alshshirka lathulmun AAatheemun
and guided him to what rescues him from the wrath of Allah.

That is to escape from Him to Him, Glorified and Exalted, by establishing prayers, enjoining Al-Ma‘rûf (i.e. Islâmic Monotheism and all that Islâm has ordained) and forbidding Al-Munkar (polytheism, disbelief and all that Islâm has forbidden). He then guides him to good manners by which his soul is sublimed and his position is raised. There is no contempt to people and no subservience along with being moderate (or show no insolence) in walking and lowering to the voice. {Verily, the harshest of all voices is the braying of the asses.} [Luqmân 31:19]
{إنّ أنكَر الأصّوِات لَصَوتَ الحمِير} لقمان:19
Transliteration:inna ankara alaswati lasawtu alhameeri

These are O servants of Allah, a number of advices from a compassionate father. Have you advised your son with the same? Have you advised him with some or all of them?

The habit of some fathers is, with great regret, to discourage their sons. If one of them is guided by Allah, they become scared and frenzied. They describe him as being obsessed and afflicted by some psychological complexes. They mock and laugh at him. No one knows whether they mock his personality or his religion which he represents. Is this the trust O father? Is this the advice to your family? Fear Allah for their sake and fear Allah in their upbringing. Teach them what benefits them in the matters of both their religion and their worldly life and do not suppress the decision. {And this life of the world is only an amusement and a play! Verily, the home of the Hereafter - that is the life indeed (i.e. the eternal life that will never end), if they but knew} [Al-'Ankabût 29:64]

{ومَا هذهِ الحَيَاةُ الدُنيَا إلا لَهوّ ولَعِب وإنّ الدّارَ الآخِرةَ لَهِي الحَيوَانُ لو كَانُوا يَعلمُونَ} العنكبوت:64
Transliteration: Wama hathihi alhayatu alddunya illa lahwun walaAAibun wainna alddara alakhirata lahiya alhayawanu law kanoo yaAAlamoona

O father:

While you are preparing your sons for the exams of this worldly life fear Allah for their sake, know and teach them that the commodity of Allah is higher and more precious than the adornments of this worldly life. Teach them that the real success is to confine the soul to what pleases Allah. Teach them and know that the real happiness is in fearing and obeying Allah. Then, know you also that no one will go from the standing of the Day of Resurrection while he wronged anyone without returning the right to him. Sons are happy that their fathers wronged them and the wife is happy that her husband wronged her. The sons come on the Day of Resurrection and argue with their father before Allah saying: O our Lord take our right from such unjust father who did not lead us to do what pleases you. He raised us like cattle and led us to destructions. There is not a spoiling thing but that he put it before our hands. There is not a perishing thing but that he brought it for us. What will be your answer O passionate father, at such time?


O Fathers:

Fear Allah for the sake of your sons. Raise them well. Protect them from corruption and loss as long as matters are at your hands and you are still in this life before you regret and blame yourselves in a time in which regret and blaming are useless.


Ibn Khuzaymah House


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