The Initial Spark
Since 2012-11-26
My father has overwhelmed me with his unstoppable love, thus he made me a young man looking for a better future. I have the talent of educational attainment, which made me excellent in my studying,...
All praise and thanks be to Allah, the Lord of the ‘Alamîn (mankind, jinn and all that exists). Peace and blessings of Allah be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his family and companions.
My father has overwhelmed me with his unstoppable love, thus he made me a young man looking for a better future. I have the talent of educational attainment, which made me excellent in my studying, however this talent has made me envied by my weak-soul peers who do not have but this disease towards those whom Allah bestows from His grace upon them.
I can see the signs of happiness and satisfaction in the eyes of my father whenever he sees me coming from school. I can hear the beating of his heart telling stories that he does not disclose, but they are drawn on his face while he does not feel them. I feel that he sees himself in my youth, he sees his bygone days when he sees me; so he recalls his past childhood. I could not find an explanation for this tear that runs on his cheeks, on which old age has drawn sinuous lines that created a great picture showing the adherence of this man to his principles. After a while I dared and asked him about the secret of such a tear that runs like a Pearl looking for life in the bottom of the sea, he looked afar as if he is looking at a mirage, saying: I have lost my father and I desperately need him; so my anxiety about you aggravates and I do not know why?
He has given me absolute confidence while I was still young to bear it, so I did not comprehend being given the confidence of a father at an early age; the car is at my disposal and good money is filling my pockets; I felt happy and the strings of freedom released me from its nets. Whenever I had the chance, I started trying to explore the outskirts of the city; afterwards it became a daily desire. It was natural to be late in returning home some nights; sometimes I did not come back but in the last watch of the night. I did not find the one who should be on the lookout for me whenever I am late to ask me: where are you, why are you being late, and with whom have you been?
But the fence of confidence given to me came in between me and this important question, so I got accustomed to returning home late, and to wandering and hanging around aimlessly roaming the city's outskirts.
I can see the features of anxiety on the countenance of teachers because of me, as I began to rely only on my memory in studying or on what I pick from the teacher during the explanation when I am awake in the classroom; but the teacher did not ask the important question: where are you? And why is this staying late at night?
I feel a chronic headache to which I cannot find any explanation… What is its reason? I stay awake late at night to drive it out but the pain increases… I sleep to escape from the headache, and I wake up because of the severity of it, I had the so-called Panadol (a powerful pain killer) to resist the headache, it subsides a little then the pain comes back again, and I still do not know what the reason is.
My kind father took me to a physician from his acquaintances to take his opinion about this headache… In his clinic the doctor took me aside and asked me: Where do you go every night? What do you do? And what do you drink?
I looked at him with amazement and disgust, how could a doctor like him cast such questions? He smiled and knew that I objected to his questions, but he asked me to answer; so I told him, wearily what he wanted to know from me…
I said: every night I go to a friend of mine to have some tea with, and then I wander around the city's outskirts. I return home when the headache intensifies.
The doctor asked: since when have you been drinking this tea with your friend?
I said: for about two month now, this is approximately when I started to feel the headache.
He said: do you remember the first time you drank this tea with him? Describe it clearly for me…
I was astonished by the demand of this doctor who has turned unknowingly into an investigator. However I answered him out of shyness not convinced with what he says.
I said: That night we were a group of colleagues in the house of a friend of mine; he had a guest coming from another city and was the subject of hospitality and honor. He entertained us with tea which unusual taste drew my attention. I was about to put it down and not to drink it, but I saw everyone staring at me with their eyes, so I drank it out of courtesy to the owner of the invitation. After that we had dinner, and everyone went his way and his home. At the same time the following night, I felt the urge to that tea itself, but it is not reasonable to go to my friend and ask him a little of yesterday's tea… I made up a trick and I went to him on the pretext that I was asking about his friend, did he travel or stay in the city to pay my duty of hospitality. He welcomed me and brought me in and gave me the tea, I told him with a hidden desire I wish it may be like the tea of yesterday. He threw a glance which I felt that it has penetrated my gut, a glance to which I do not know any cause, and I saw a peevish smile on his lips, he said: "Yes, the tea is of yesterday's but it is even better, and whenever you feel the desire to this tea, come to me as my house is your house." From that day on I go to him and drink that tea.
After a short time my friend had a night accident by his car, he hit a light pole and died. Since that day the headache is breaking my head and I thought it was because of the grief on the loss of my friend. However, the grief has gone and the headache remained until I have become to the state I am in now. I am almost crazy and I do not know why?
The doctor opened the door and called for my father. He threw upon us the thunderbolt news: your son is an addict, O Aziz, and he does not know it.
My father fell unconscious… After him, I turned into a pile of meat thrown in one of the health clinics, youth has withered and its luster has faded away.
Who is to ponder… Who is to ponder…!!
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