A Message to my Dear Wife
Since 2012-11-20
I will write down the problems that contained some disobedience and transgression appeared at time of inattention by you. They often trouble and annoy me. Moreover, they make me lose tranquility and calmness that I used to feel throughout our marital life
My Dear wife!
I will write down the problems that contained some disobedience and transgression appeared at time of inattention by you. They often trouble and annoy me. Moreover, they make me lose tranquility and calmness that I used to feel throughout our marital life.
Where is my right in obedience? My opinion has no longer been appreciated by you and my guardianship has no longer been respected by you while it was narrated that the Messenger of Allah, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, said: “There are two individuals whose prayer does not rise above their heads; a slave running away from his masters – until he returns to them, and a woman who disobeys her husband – until she returns (to obedience).” [Reported by Al-Albaani and deemed its chain as Hasan and its chain of narrators meets the criteria of Shaykhaan (i.e. Al-Bukhaari and Muslim)]
«اثنان لا تجاوز صلاتهما رؤوسهما عبد أبق من مواليه حتى يرجع إليهم،وامرأة عصت زوجها حتى ترجع» المحدث: الألباني، إسناده حسن رجاله ثقات رجال الشيخين
Adhere firmly to contentment. Actually, the worst attribute of any wife, no matter her beauty and family tree are, is her greed and covetousness.
Is your state like this righteous woman that would tell her husband when leaving for work: ‘Fear Allah The Almighty in us, beware of the unlawful earnings for we can bear hunger and thirst but we cannot bear Hellfire.’
To whom you are adorning yourself? Whenever an occasion, party, or a meeting arises, you adorn yourself properly, wear your best clothes and get smartened up as if you will be a bride again.
I do not criticize you for demonstrating the blessings of Allah The Almighty over you while attending meeting and so on as long as this does not provoke the anger of Allah The Almighty.
However, your husband is the one who deserves your adornment more than your sisters especially because your adornment to him is a manifestation of your perfect obedience and living with him honorably. Also, this really can protect him from evil desires.
In this, there is a great advice and a notable point for married women that they should pay much attention to adornment and making their appearance appealing for their husbands.
Also, what hurts me a lot that I observe that you have a great desire to go out the house! Is not the house comfortable and wide enough to stay in? You never become calm unless you leave and get out. Sometimes for buying some accessories while some other times for paying visits. I hope you know that it is a great honor for woman to stay in her house for Allah The Almighty says: {And stay in your houses} [Al-Ahzaab 33:33]
{وَقَرْنَ فِي بُيُوتِكُنَّ} الأحزاب: 33
Transliteration: Waqarna fee buyootikunna.
Going out to the market is not only a kind of violating the teachings of religion if there is no necessity for that but also a kind of wasting money and spending it lavishly.
Where are the manifestations of affection and kindness? You have lost the sweet words, affectionate and kind statements, the actions and words that can please the soul, our life became boring, void of lovely and affectionate emotions and what can bring tranquility which is the most essential part of the marital life. Really, you have to know that your husband has a greater need for such kind of affectionate feelings than food.
The wife should know well what her husband really wants from her!
He seeks her shining smile, her affection love, and sweet words, pure feelings, kind emotions, innocent silence, a sweet glance that can please and clean him from the dirt of the daily exhaustion and fatigue.
Your jealousy annoys me a lot, I appreciate your right to feel jealous and I believe that it is one of manifestations of love and great affection of the marital life. However, I feel that it has been turned to doubt and suspicion. I feel that it besieged me, chasing me, and doubt about my actions and words.
Really, your jealousy worries me a lot; it is not at all from the acceptable jealousy to follow the insinuations of Satan.
Dear wife! Let me, mention a Hadeeth to you.
It was narrated that the Messenger of Allah, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “If a husband calls his wife to his bed (to have sexual relations) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the Angels will curse her till morning.” And in another narration “until she returns” [Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim and the wording is for Al-Bukhari]
«إذا دعا الرجل امرأته إلى فراشه فأبت، فبات غضبان عليها، لعنتها الملائكة حتى تصبح»، وفي رواية: «حتى ترجع» رواه البخاري ومسلم، واللفظ للبخاري
Furthermore, why do you reject the idea of polygamy? Whenever I just start mentioning it you snap with anger, the color of your face changes and frown at me.
Is there not in the religion that Allah The Almighty has enjoined what can prove the permissibility of that?
Allah The Almighty says: {Then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one…} [An-Nisaa’ 4:3]
{فَانْكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُمْ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَى وَثُلَاثَ وَرُبَاعَ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً} النساء: 3
Transliteration: Fankihoo ma taba lakum mina annisa’i mathna wathulatha waruba’ fain khiftum alla ta’diloo fawahidah.
Every house has its secrets and disclosing them is one of the most heinous acts that threaten and undermine its stability and usually doomed it to destruction.
Tasjeelaat Al-Ansaar Al-Islaamiyyah
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