Rights of the Husband
Allah The Almighty enjoined obligations and duties, clarified rights and responsibilities, and then ordered the believing men and women to carry them out and made them a Sharee‘ah (Law) for all His slaves. There will be no happiness for a believer except by carrying out and fulfilling these obligations and duties properly, so that he would be entitled to gain the pleasure of Allah The Almighty.
Allah The Almighty enjoined obligations and duties, clarified rights and responsibilities, and then ordered the believing men and women to carry them out and made them a Sharee‘ah (Law) for all His slaves. There will be no happiness for a believer except by carrying out and fulfilling these obligations and duties properly, so that he would be entitled to gain the pleasure of Allah The Almighty. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {Indeed, We offered the Trust to the heavens and the earth and the mountains, and they declined to bear it and feared it; but man [undertook to] bear it. Indeed, he was unjust and ignorant . [It was] so that Allah may punish the hypocrite men and women and the men and women who associate others with Him and that Allah may accept repentance from the believing men and believing women. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful} [Quran 33:72-73] The believer shouldered the trust which Allah The Almighty will account him for on the Day of Resurrection.
Among the rights and duties that Allah The Almighty enjoined upon the believing men and women are the rights of husbands and wives. Allah The Almighty made these rights a trust tied to the neck of every man and woman, and He assigned them responsibility. Allah The Almighty enjoined these rights in the Quran and through the words of His chosen and trustworthy Messenger, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Allah The Almighty ordered people to fulfill these rights from above the seven heavens; His Messenger, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, ordered them, as well as the scholars, the righteous and the pious who ordered these every time and place, as they knew that the happiness of the marital home would be contingent on fulfilling these rights and duties.
If one looks at the Muslim home where the spouses fulfill the rights of one another, fear Allah The Almighty regarding one another and observe their duties, rights and trusts, he will surely find happiness, tranquility, affection and mercy dominating it about which Allah The Almighty spoke in the Quran. Allah The Almighty conferred happiness on the homes that are founded on observing rights and fulfilling the trust. He also conferred it on every spouse who fears Allah The Almighty and remains watchful of Him regarding what He made obligatory on them. This is not strange because obedience to Allah The Almighty brings about every goodness and blessings, and commands every mercy and favor. Thus, Allah The Almighty promised every believing man and woman, who fulfilled His rights, to grant them happiness and a blessed life. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer - We will surely cause him to live a good life} [Quran 16:97] Allah The Almighty tells us here that He decrees a good life for the person who observes his religious duties, which includes fulfilling trusts and responsibilities.
When either or both spouses neglect marital rights, being unaware or negligent of them, life becomes miserable, embittered and unbearable. In this case, the husband would enter his house with a broken heart - neither hearing nor seeing what pleases him or comforts his eyes. Also, the wife would live a miserable life with her rights and property lost. This is a depressed life which is full of suffering that Allah The Almighty promises those who deviate from His path and swerve from the guidance of the Quran.
Fulfilling the rights of the spouses is a great trust and a huge responsibility. The Muslim Ummah (Nation) maintained these trusts when fathers and mothers were doing their duties towards their children, by informing them of their rights and duties. Thus, the couples entered their new marital home with the desire to fulfill these rights and duties properly and warned against neglecting them. When spouses and parents took care of the process of instruction and guidance, Muslim homes were stable. In recent generations, however, when ignorance has prevailed among many Muslims - except for few whom Allah The Almighty has saved - people have neglected the rights of spouses and marital life runs according to their whims and desires. Accordingly, problems have increased; spouses became disunited; calamities, and disputes appeared and aggravated; and it is the children that reaped the evil consequences. For this reason, it is very important to explain the rights of the spouses and what each of them should do for the other.
There are two major matters that help in fulfilling and observing spousal rights correctly:
First: Fearing Allah The Almighty which is no longer present in the hearts of the spouses. The pious man and the pious woman fulfill these rights in the most perfect manner. A man asked Al-Hasan Al-Basri “O Imaam, I have a daughter. To whom should I give her in marriage?” He said, “Give her in marriage to a pious man. If he is to keep her, he will treat her kindly; if he is to divorce her, he will not oppress her.”
Thus, if the spouses fear Allah The Almighty in their hearts, stand in awe of Him and remain watchful of Him, their rights are most likely to be fulfilled properly. This is known as religious instinct and it is Allah The Almighty Who casts the light of piety into the hearts and reforms them through it from the evildoings people might intend to commit. The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: «».
Second: The environment and one's companions. The environment greatly influences the process of fulfilling man's rights. Look at every husband who was brought up in a righteous environment where he grew up following the Quran, the Sunnah and the guidance of the righteous predecessors . You will find him observing the rights of his wife and carrying out the duties that Allah The Almighty obligated him to do in his house. Also, when the righteous woman grows up in a righteous environment, it helps her fulfill the rights of her husband.
These two matters are very important in reforming and correcting the Muslim homes and fulfilling the rights of the spouses. In this article, we will talk about the right of the husband over his wife, if Allah wills. This right is divided into two parts: intangible and tangible rights.
Intangible Rights
In the first part we mentioned that being watchful of Allah and having the right environment and company are two essential matters in reforming and correcting the Muslim homes and fulfilling the rights of the spouses. In this article, we will talk about the right of the husband over his wife, if Allah wills. This right is divided into two parts: intangible and tangible rights.
Intangible rights: Allah The Almighty gave the man the role of being in charge of his wife, and Muslim homes will not become stable or run properly unless the wife respects this right. Allah The Almighty distinguished man with qualities that are not in women, such as strength, patience and endurance. The man is more capable of leadership, shouldering responsibility and carrying out tasks. Allah The Almighty has favored men over women for that reason, as Allah The Almighty made prophethood exclusive to men and this is the best favor that Allah may give to people. Scholars have stated that Allah The Almighty has distinguished men in this regard due to the physical strength He gave them, which requires the woman to be under their charge, not the opposite, and that she does not try to be equal to him or compete with him in this respect. The husband's role of being in charge is founded upon two important factors:
1- Managing matters and affairs through endeavoring and reasoning, so he is more entitled to decide what is more beneficial and more appropriate for his home, family and children.
2- Carrying out what he has decided and found appropriate.
Allah The Almighty gave men some distinguished qualities in thinking and awareness that are not in women since men mix with people more widely than women, and even when the woman mixes with men, it is limited regardless of what she does or she becomes, for a human’s innate nature does not change. Scholars say that the role of being in charge implies instructing, guiding and teaching, not tyranny, exclusion, limitation, coercion or inflicting harm on women. Allah The Almighty mentioned this role in the Quran Saying (what means): {Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other} [Quran 4:34]
Obedience:
When the woman acknowledges this right for her husband and submits in the affairs of the house to the opinion, reasoning and management of the husband, all matters will be reformed. This does not mean that the woman should not contribute with her opinion. What is not acceptable here, however, is that the woman tries to impede everything, whether it is a major or minor matter, significant or insignificant, and that her opinion must be taken by and imposed.
Sometimes, she may try to tempt her husband to approve her opinion, and were he to reject it, she would harm him and embitter his life. She may incite his children against him to change his mind or accept her opinion. If the woman ruins the role of the husband being in charge with such behavior, she would make their life miserable and she will be the first one to taste its evil consequences. If a woman spoils her children and damages her husband by neglecting this right, this would be a great catastrophe as the husband would feel he is deficient and wronged, and that his rights are being violated. This takes place especially when his children are spoilt and he is no longer able to make a decision on an issue or a problem, but his wife negatively interferes until he hates dealing with his own affairs.
In some cases, particularly when the man grows old, he may despair and abandon the reins of power due to the harm and destruction she entails. Maintaining and observing the man's role of being in charge brings about reform in the home, and neglecting and spoiling it brings about destruction and misery. Therefore, if the woman is used to interfering excessively in the affairs of her husband, she will behave like a man. The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, indicated the consequences of neglecting this right, saying: «»
The woman who interferes excessively in the affairs of her husband and pokes her nose into his orders, conclusions and views, has acquired some manly qualities, and refuses to be under his charge. In doing so, she seeks to be equal to him or to show that she is more knowledgeable, wiser and more experienced than him. The role of a man being in charge of his wife implies the obligation to obey him. Some scholars consider obedience the second right of the husband, with the first right being the right of managing the house affairs, as management without obedience is fruitless. Thus, the woman is commanded to obey her husband and be under his charge. This is the basic rule because Allah The Almighty favored the man over her. However, this is contingent on the fact that his order or prohibition conforms with the Sharee‘ah of Allah The Almighty. The right of obeying the husband requires the wife to obey her husband and abide by his orders and prohibitions. The husband's order may be obligatory if he orders his wife to do an obligatory act. Allah The Almighty mentions this, Saying (what means): {And enjoin prayer upon your family [and people] and be steadfast therein} [Quran 20:132] Allah The Almighty entitles the man the right to give orders and instruction to his wife. Allah The Almighty praised one of His prophets, may Allah exalt his mention, Saying (what means): {And mention in the Book, Isma‘eel [Ishmael]. Indeed, he was true to his promise, and he was a messenger and a prophet . And he used to enjoin on his people prayer and Zakaah [obligatory charity] and was to his Lord pleasing} [Quran 19:54-55]
Thus, the wife must obey her husband. It is very important that the woman obeys her husband to fulfill his right, particularly if he calls her to maintain her chastity and guard himself against what is unlawful.
Sexual fulfillment:
The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, stressed that the woman's negligence in obeying her husband when he calls her to bed to maintain his chastity incurs the curse of Allah upon her; He, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: «» (Al-Bukhaari and Muslim) This indicates that it is not permissible for the woman to disobey the orders of her husband, particularly when his orders conform with obedience to Allah The Almighty, such as ordering her to carry out the obligations of Allah or to fulfill his right regarding maintaining his chastity. Jurists made an exception when there is an excuse for the woman which prevents her from fulfilling his right when he calls her. For instance, if the woman is sick and cannot carry out his order or that her fulfilling his right will harm her, she may excuse herself. Scholars have stated that she should excuse herself in a nice way that makes the husband feel that the matter is out of her hands.
Going out:
Obeying the husband implies that the woman should not go out of the house without his permission. The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, mentioned this, saying: «» Scholars argued that since the woman could not go to the mosque for prayer, which is the greatest ritual of Islam after The Two Testimonies of Faith, except with the permission of her husband, then she, with greater reason, should not go out for worldly matters except with his permission. Scholars stated that it is not permissible for the wife to go out of her house without the permission of her husband, and if she goes out without his permission and becomes used to that, this behavior is considered arrogance, disobedience and rebellion. This becomes more serious when the wife claims that she is free to do whatever she likes, implicitly declaring her defiance to the orders of Allah The Almighty to obey her husband and contradicting the Sharee‘ah of Allah to abide in her house. Thus, it is not permissible for the woman to leave her house without the permission of her husband.
This issue leads to another issue, which is, if the woman leaves the house of her husband and remains in her parents’ house without his permission, she would lose her right to financial maintenance. Scholars unanimously agreed that if the woman refused and remained at her parents’ house without the permission of her husband and insisted on staying outside her house, she would have no right to financial maintenance.
Honesty:
The husband's rights over his wife includes that she should be honest and observant of his rights. Honesty is one of the greatest qualities of the believers. In an authentic Hadeeth, the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was reported to have said that on the Day of Resurrection when the Siraat (bridge) is stretched over Hell, honesty and kinship ties will stand on the two sides of Hell. Some scholars said that the betrayer of a trust or a severer of kinship ties will never be saved from the Siraat. A woman’s honesty requires some matters:
1. For instance, she should not let anybody in the house of her husband unless he previously gave her permission to let that person in. In the Khutbah (sermon) of the Farewell Pilgrimage, the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said that it is not permissible for the wife to let anybody in the house of her husband except with his permission. Scholars said that if the woman violated this right, she would not be secure from the evil consequences. That is when the woman lets a man enter her house while her husband did not give him permission, she would not be secure from his ill-thoughts of her. Accordingly, huge problems and unfavorable consequences may emerge.
2. Also, observing this honesty requires that she protects the money of her husband and does not waste it or spend it extravagantly. When the husband entrusts his money to his wife, she should deal with it wisely and rationally, properly estimate the matters and not waste it according to her whims and desires.
3. Also, she should observe the right of her husband in his bed by not betraying him. Betrayal contains an element of unfaithfulness. Thus, when the husband trusts his wife, he makes Allah The Almighty watchful over her, sufficient for him in knowing her hidden matters. Once she betrays him, she breaks the covenant that Allah The Almighty took from her, in addition to her disobedience to Allah The Almighty. The woman should guard her private parts, because Allah The Almighty entrusted her to preserve the sperm, honor and offspring of her husband. A woman, who neglects this matter and indulges in it or opens the door for temptation until she commits adultery, has ruined the offspring of the husband and brought him someone who is not his child to eat from his food, drink from his drink, see the women of his house and inherit his wealth falsely without right.
It was narrated that when the Prophet, sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam, saw a man who wanted to have intercourse with a pregnant woman taken as a captive in the battle of Awtaas, he, sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam, asked: «» This means that he wanted to have intercourse with this captured woman who was pregnant from another man, so that the hearing and vision of her baby would be, so to speak, nourished with his sperm. The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, added: «»
Scholars have said that this warning was given in the case of the creation of the fetus being completed or about to become complete, because the woman is already pregnant. Thus, what about the woman who illegitimately brings a child who does not even belong to her husband? This is indeed a very serious matter. Therefore, Allah The Almighty praises the righteous women who guard themselves and are devoutly obedient. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard} [Quran 4:34] When the husband is absent, his wife has to guard his honor; and when she asks permission to go somewhere, she has to be truthful and trustworthy, being watchful of Allah The Almighty. She has to guard the honor of the husband because she is weak and is not secure from falling into what is unlawful when exposed to temptation, especially when people are corrupt and she cannot be sure of guarding herself among them. It is the right of the husband over his wife to guard his honor against prohibition.
4. Honesty also requires the woman to keep the secrets of the husband and his private matters hidden, particularly the things that happen between them alone. If the woman reveals the things that exclusively take place between them, Allah The Almighty would be angry with her. The anger of Allah falls on the man who reveals what happens between him and his wife, and on the woman who reveals what happens between her and her husband even if they do that for the purpose of joking, playing or entertainment. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {You thought it was insignificant while it was, in the sight of Allah, tremendous} [Quran 24:15] The woman should keep these secrets hidden, and always remember Paradise and Hell regarding all the private things that take place between her and her husband.
Also, she should keep hidden everything she knows about his actions, or of his words, manners and behavior. It becomes more serious when he asks her to keep some secrets hidden. She is not allowed to disclose his secrets; surely, Allah The Almighty reckons and watches her in what she says and discloses.
Among the mistakes that women do and that leads to neglecting the rights of their husbands and betraying the trust is that when a small dispute or a small quarrel erupts between her and her husband, she goes to complain to her family and discloses all the secrets, faults and private matters she knows about her husband. This is certainly a misdeed and some scholars consider it a major sin. This is because betraying the trust and disclosing secrets are only permissible in real necessity. This belongs to the right that Allah The Almighty obliged the woman to observe, and she is not permitted to disclose it except with the permission of the husband or there is a Sharee‘ah-based need permitting her to mention or reveal it.
Tangible Rights:
The second section is the tangible rights of the husband on his wife, which include the wife serving her husband. Allah The Almighty created the woman and equipped her with characteristics that qualify her to carry out housework, manage her house and take care of its affairs. When the wife does the work of the marital house properly, she will comfort her husband. He will be pleased with her and feel that the rights of his house are fulfilled and its interests are considered, which satisfies his heart. Allah The Almighty mentioned this right in general, Saying (what means): {And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable} [Quran 2:228] It means that the wives owe some rights as men owe them rights, and the husbands owe some rights as women owe them rights – all in accordance with what is reasonable. What is reasonable in the verse, according to the majority of scholars, may refer to people's customs, which are the criteria that people refer to in this issue. The customs of the righteous Muslims at all times and everywhere require the woman to serve the house of her husband.
Just look at the Mothers of the Believers, may Allah be pleased with them! They served in the house of the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Mother of the Believers, ’Aa‘ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said, «» (Al-Bukhaari and Muslim) Mother of the believers Maymoonah, may Allah be pleased with her, said, «» Thus, scholars unanimously agreed that women should serve their husbands. This is the opinion of the majority of scholars, except for very few scholars whose opinion is weak, who said that a woman is not obligated to serve and look after her husband. This is certainly is a weak opinion, as there are no women who are better than the Mothers of the Believers, may Allah be pleased with them, who would serve their husband.
Even the noble daughter of the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, served her husband until her hands swelled up due to grinding date stones. Scholars said that hands of Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, were scratched because of her frequent grinding of date stones to provide fodder for animals. Therefore, how would she have served her husband? Scholars also said that a woman should even take care of her husband's mount if custom requires that.
It was authentically narrated that Asmaa‘, may Allah be pleased with her, served Az-Zubayr, may Allah be pleased with him. She would go out on foot to his farm which was two-thirds of a Farsakh (one Farsakh is about 5 km), carrying date stones on her back.
It was commonly known among the women of the believers throughout the history of Muslims that women serve and look after the houses. This service never belittles the status of the woman or decreases her position. This is the nature upon which Allah The Almighty has created all people. No change should there be in the creation of Allah The Almighty.
Some people may deem serving in the house an insignificant matter, but it brings about appreciated results in the psychology of the husband when he leaves his house, feeling that his wife has taken care and looked after it. So, he enters his house with his affairs set right, his soul is calm and his heart is assured. He will not find things that confuse him or embitter his life or create trouble between him and his family. When women deviated from this sound nature, the houses of the Muslims looked antiquated where the husband finds unpleasant scenes to the extent that he is obliged to sweep it himself, do the laundry and cook the food.
Imaam Ibn Al-Qayyim said, “When the woman lives in luxury and her husband sweeps the house, cooks the food, kneads the dough and bakes the bread, this will be evil.” This means that this state is the evil that Allah The Almighty never ordained. The woman should do what Allah The Almighty created her for and the man should do what Allah The Almighty created him for. Allah The Almighty did not create the man to do the housework. Thus, it is an evil word that a woman may utter when she asks her husband to serve himself or do for himself what he wants. In doing so, she contradicts her nature.
The woman who mistreats her husband and loses his pleasure, which is the cause of her entering Paradise, will be in great loss. The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: «»
When the woman overburdens her husband to accomplish the housework, whereas she lives in luxury and comfort, or that she asks him to bring someone to serve him and manage his affairs in a manner that sometimes causes temptation, all these things contradict the Fitrah (innate nature). Only when it is necessary is the woman allowed to ask her husband to bring someone to serve her. One day, Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, asked the Messenger of Allah, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, to bring her a servant, but he, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied: «» This indicates that there is no blame on the woman to ask for a servant, but only when necessary and needed. However, when she asks for a servant out of her desire to lead a luxurious life and out of arrogance or believing that she was not created for these matters and they are not her duty, this is against the Fitrah that Allah gave her and the good companionship that a woman should give her husband.
The woman should observe these things for her husband, and the righteous woman fully knows that there is nothing more perfect than the Sharee‘ah and religion of Allah The Almighty. Surely, whoever accepts the Sharee‘ah of Allah, Allah will be pleased with him and make him pleasant. When the woman responds to the calls or the customs and habits that contradict the Sharee‘ah of Allah and turns away from the Fitrah, she will not be sure to be saved from their evil consequences. They may apparently sound good, but in fact, they bring about unappreciated ends. The duty of the woman is to abide by the matters that she has perceived in her innate disposition and guidance of the righteous women from among the righteous predecessors, who looked after their husbands and fulfilled their rights in a manner that pleased Allah The Almighty. A woman cannot fulfill these rights properly unless she prepares herself in the following way:
First: She should ask Allah The Almighty to help her fulfill the rights of her husband and to guard her against negligence or failure. Allah The Almighty approves that she fulfills her duties toward her husband and disapproves of her neglecting them. So, she should frequently ask Allah The Almighty to help her fulfill her husband's rights.
Second: She should prepare herself psychologically to submit to the orders of Allah The Almighty, knowing that she is commanded by the Sharee‘ah of Allah to obey her husband, respect his role of being in charge and live with him equitably, which implies serving him, seeking his permission before leaving the house and observing his rights, trusts and secrets. Once she assuredly knows these things, she will respond according to her level of faith. A believing woman is expected to obey the orders of Allah The Almighty. Therefore, scholars said that Allah The Almighty began the Quranic verses which state these rights by saying: {O you who believe} because no person responds to the Commands of Allah The Almighty perfectly like the believer.
Third: She should firmly believe that she fulfills these rights without expecting compensation or reward from the husband. Rather, her main concern and great reward she focuses on would be the pleasure of Allah The Almighty. No believing woman seeks the pleasure of Allah except one would find her mostly obedient to her husband and observant of his rights in the most perfect way.
A righteous man said that he married a woman who would not find happiness or comfort except in fulfilling his rights. He added, “I might do wrong to her and become displeased with her, but she would spend the night weeping, asking me to forgive her even though it was my mistake.” This is the effect of strong faith. When the soul of the believing woman is purified, refined and responds to Allah The Almighty, she becomes fearful and keen to please her husband in all of her behavior, feelings, emotions and sayings. It is neither a shame nor a fault nor humility nor disgrace that a woman obeys her husband. Instead, it is perfection, superiority and success that Allah The Almighty grants her. Obedience to the husband by no means blemishes the perfection of the woman because this is the Fitrah that Allah The Almighty created people on. When the woman feels that this is not a defect, but is rather perfection, she will not only submit and find rest and reassurance, but she will also take the initiative and be vigorous enough to respond to the order of Allah The Almighty to fulfill these rights.
Also, the woman should exhaust the means that help her respond to the orders of Allah The Almighty, mainly by reading the biography of the female Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, and the women of the righteous predecessors as well as their state of being good wives to their husbands. She should also reflect on the Hadeeths of the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, which endear fulfilling the rights of the husbands to the women and encourage them.
Fourth: She should look at the good consequences that she will have in this life and in the Hereafter. Her house will be stable; she will find rest and reassurance; and her husband will also find rest and reassurance. On the other hand, she should look at the bad consequences that she might have if she neglected the husband's role of being in charge. As a result, the husband will soon feel that he is inferior, and if he gets this feeling, he would try to sap the strength of the woman. If she behaves haughtily and the husband persists, he may break her by divorcing her – Allah forbid! He may hit her in order to make her feel that he is more capable of fulfilling these rights than her. The woman should know that neglecting rights always produces the most evil results. Evil is not assuaged with evil, nor is a bad action encountered with a bad action. A bad action is encountered by a good one. Pondering on these matters greatly helps the woman to correct herself and correct her conduct with her husband.
Fifth: The last advice given to the Muslim woman is that she should not allow a third party to interfere in her affairs with her husband, because some women incite the wife against her husband and urge her to rebel against him, disobey him and neglect his rights. A bad companion causes unwelcome consequences. Thus, the wife should avoid talking with other women about the affairs of her house and the private matters she has with her husband. This would more probably guarantee her safety and a happy ending.
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