Michelle, Previously No Religion, Canada

Hi and welcome, my name is Michelle and I am a reverted person of faith. I live in ON, CANADA and this is my story about my journey to Islam.

My life before Islam was a constant struggle, unsure of who I wanted to be, haunted by many painful memories from my childhood, angry that I had missed out on what I considered a normal childhood, but always knowing in my heart there MUST be a reason that I had to go through it all but never being able to truly understand the reason. I wasn’t raised with my family. I lived my childhood in other people’s homes as I was a foster child from the age of about 6 or 7…celebrating with strangers who although had the desire to help me and surround me in a positive environment were still NOT my own family as much as these acts were out of love. I will always be thankful for those who opened their homes, families and hearts to me and I will always love them for it. I want to clarify that my family has always been a part of my life and I always had their love but I was a trouble child and they did what they thought was best for me by their actions and I love them for that.

I never felt accepted as a child anywhere or as I went thought the painful experience of adolescents, I felt like an alien and abnormal. As I look back I see that some of the BAD choices I made were out of desperation to feel accepted to feel “normal” to convince myself that if I did what other people were doing that I would be accepted as one of them.

I never felt any real connection to any faith …none called to my heart I guess is the simplest way to explain it... I had no direction in terms of my spiritual well being so I lived my life doing what I wanted, not wanting to cause harm to other but not following any way of life. I think also I was angry at GOD due to my painful childhood and wondering if I was being punished so I wanted no part in religion. I partied, drank and did everything that felt good and fun at the time.

As I grew up I started to realize that this was not the way to find the answer I so desperately was seeking and I did attempt a bit to find these answers but failed to do so and thought to myself that I won’t find the answers. I even attended a non denomination church with one of my supervisors at my work and although I was thankful for her kindness and her guidance I still didn’t feel that call to ALLAH. Then one day after much time had passed and I was no further in finding any peace or answers to my questions, a dear friend of mine sent me an email inviting me to join a social networking site and I thought it would be a fun way to meet new people. Unfortunately I made contact with some very bad people. I spiraled into a very dangerous pattern and placed myself in some bad situation. But one day I met some people who were Muslims and are now close friends. We started to chat and started talking about the differences in our faith, culture and lives. I was amazed at the peace and tranquility they seemed to project and the undeniable faith they had in ALLAH. And that although they faced horrific challenges in life they still were there for me and listened when I was sick as I was suffering from chronic depression. I saw that although I had faced challenges in my life it paled in comparison to what they dealt with on a daily bases such as my friend who lives in Palestine and another who was from Iraq and many others. They spoke with me about their daily struggles and past issues they faced. I was amazed at the love and support they gave me. I loved them for it and I wanted to try and bridge any gaps we had in terms of our faiths, as I was not practicing but always did believe in ALLAH. This started my journey towards Islam. I watched videos and spoke with them about Islam - what it was, how it helped them in their lives, how they used it to live a peaceful life with courage and regarding their undeniable faith that although they faced challenges they would be rewarded for their faith and acts of kindness. I read online and did my best to try and obtain my information from reliable sources.

As I began to get a better idea about Islam and what it meant to live as a Muslim I wanted to know more and more… but I also knew rather quickly that it was the path in life ALLAH wanted for me but I was resistant more so from fear than anything else - not fear of judgment from others since I knew I could accept that as I had dealt with that all my life but fear of failure. I will try to explain in more detail.

I at that time had no intentions of reverting. I simply wanted to educate myself and to try and understand Islam as I had an indescribable amount of admiration and respect for Islam and those who followed this way of life as Islam is facing horrific challenges at this time… so many misunderstandings and negative propaganda in the media on many different fronts and it has been amplified many times over since the Sept 11 attacks. I didn’t think I would be able to adhere to this way of life and I had too much respect for my Muslim friends to accept Islam, unless I was sure that I could live my life in accordance with it.

As time went by I was constantly surrounded by the fact that there is so much suffering, pain and despair in the world. It was tearing me apart knowing that my friends were facing horrible situations, and I could not sit by and do nothing. I wanted to try and do my small part to make the world a better place in a way I knew I could. I accepted Islam and am now changing my life and trying to live my life as I know ALLAH wanted me to all this time. I wanted to be closer to my Creator so that I may converse Him - the one who knows my heart’s desires for a better world free of oppression, fear and hate. I want my prayers for this to be accepted and I submit to ALLAH because He is the one that has blessed me with so many things, wonderful friends and a loving family. I hope that I can one day help to guide others to the path of Islam so they may feel the love of ALLAH and live a life that will fill them with love and peace just as it has done for me. It has been a painful journey but the reward far outweighs it and I am grateful for it. I still feel torn inside when I read what is happening to people all over the world, but now I feel less hopeless as I know that on the Day of Judgment all actions will be judged. This is a question I have struggled with all my life and I am thankful I have that assurance from my Creator. Alhamdulillah (all praise and thanks are to God), our Creator is Most Loving and Merciful. Thank you for coming with me on my journey to Islam…As Salamu Alaikum.


By Michelle
Islamreligion.com