How you can get an appropriate husband?

Since 2012-11-24

"When someone whose religion and morals are satisfactory proposes to you, accept his proposal, because if you do not, there will be corruption and great evil on earth." [Al-Albani said it is authentic]

 

 

 


Marriage is one of the Prophets and Messengers’ sunnah (tradition), who are the elite people. Allah the Almighty has praised them in the Holy Quran; “And We have already sent messengers before you and assigned to them wives and descendants. And it was not for a messenger to come with a sign except by permission of Allah. For every term is a decree.” [Ar-Ra'd 13:38]

 

 

{وَلَقَدْ أَرْسَلْنَا رُسُلًا مِّن قَبْلِكَ وَجَعَلْنَا لَهُمْ أَزْوَاجًا وَذُرِّيَّةً ۚ وَمَا كَانَ لِرَسُولٍ أَن يَأْتِيَ بِآيَةٍ إِلَّا بِإِذْنِ اللَّـهِ ۗ لِكُلِّ أَجَلٍ كِتَابٌ}
الرعد: 38


Transliteration: Walaqad arsalna rusulan min qablika wajaAAalna lahum azwajan wathurriyyatan wama kana lirasoolin an yatiya biayatin illa biithni Allahi likulli ajalin kitabun

The Prophet Muhammad (peace upon Him) encouraged marriage to reproduce so that the nation grows and multiplies. He said: "Marriage is my Sunnah. Whoever turns away from it is turning away from me. Get married so you multiply, I shall indeed be proud of you on the Day of Resurrection. Who can support a wife should marry, and those who cannot should fast, as fasting is a shield from his sexual desires." [Authenticated by Al-Albani]

 

 

‹‹النكاح من سنتي، فمن لم يعمل بسنتي فليس مني، وتزوجوا فإني مكاثر بكم الأمم، ومن كان ذا طول فلينكح، ومن لم يجد فعليه بالصيام فإن الصوم له وجاء››
صححه الألباني


One of the important reasons that Prophet Muhammad encouraged Muslims to get married is to protect them from committing adultery. In order to do so, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) urges guardian to accept who is good and religious in his tradition as he said: "When someone whose religion and morals are satisfactory proposes to you, accept his proposal, because if you do not, there will be corruption and great evil on earth." [Al-Albani said it is authentic]

 

 

‹‹إذا خطب إليكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فزوجوه، إلا تفعلوا تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد عريض››
قال الألباني حسن صحيح


Moreover, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) encouraged Muslims to get married, so that they have children through a legitimate way as He said: "When the son of Adam dies, all his deeds stop expect three things: a continuous charity, useful knowledge he has left behind, and a pious child who prays for him." [Authenticated by Al-Albani]

 

 

‹‹ إذا مات الإنسان انقطع عمله إلا من ثلاث ؛ صدقة جارية ، أو علم ينتفع به ، أو ولد صالح يدعو له ››
صححه الألباني


Muslims used to obey God's orders as well as His honorable Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) when their life was based on the principles of religion. Nowadays, society has witnessed a lot of changes; the invasion of the western culture to people's lives and the increasing control of appearances changed their lives course. Marriage has become a social appearance more than a legitimate demand. On the one hand, woman looks merely for a man with a prestigious position or a rich one, on the other hand, man cares for nothing but the external changeable beauty. So, a woman keeps on refusing many proposals till she ends up losing all her chances of getting married. Eventually, when such a woman recognizes her fault, it is too late. Similarly, a man who misses a lot of marriage chances waiting only for the beautiful girl ends up living alone. Even if he gets the external beauty he was seeking, in many cases this beauty turns out to be totally different from his expectations. At last, such a man is left with nothing but regret, and the burden of looking again for the appropriate wife.

Since late marriages and increased divorce cases have become phenomenon in our society, which resulted in the existence of many women without husbands to take care of them and the same is also true concerning men, I thought about highlighting the reasons of such phenomenon and its dangerous threats to both Muslim men and women, and demonstrate to women and girls some appropriate ways to get descent husbands to care about them and make them happy.

Marriage benefits to Muslim individual and society

God Almighty legalized marriage, and even urged his honorable Prophet (peace be upon him) to get married, for its benefits to Muslim in life and the Hereafter after forming a Muslim family. Some of these benefits to the society and the individual are the following:

1- Protecting oneself from adultery and from Satan, keeping one from looking at what God forbids. Single men and women are targets for evil temptations and more receptive for corruption. Nowadays, temptations are too many to be resisted by the instinctively weak human nature, except for those that God helps them to.

2- Begetting children to keep offspring in a legitimate way:
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) urged to reproduce, because He will be proud of that offspring in the Resurrection Day. At the same time, this parity leads to strengthening the Muslim nation with much youth, who are its main source of protection against its enemy, God's willing.

3- In marriage, there is mercy and love between husband and wife. It also uplifts the soul, and help attaining high degrees of spirituality. When a husband finds comfort and relief in his wife's heart, as he can tell her about his concerns and worries. Similarly, the woman finds a supporter to her in bearing the burden of life that gives her relief and a partner that makes her happy.

4- The man can focus on important issues outdoors, reassured that his wife is back home to do the house work which Allah the Exalted rewards her for. Woman's efforts at home and serving her children equals to Jihad (striving in the way of Allah); a kind of worshipping to Allah the Exalted, particularly when she brings up her children in an Islamic way then they become a gain to the Islamic nation.

5- Both husband and wife will be rewarded by God the Exalted for fulfilling the other's needs and cooperating with each other in bringing up and directing their children correctly, as Muslims are rewarded for doing good whatever it is. When a man works to gain the living for his family permissibly, he will be rewarded for that. Similarly the woman who works on providing comfort to her family and fulfilling their needs will be equally rewarded.

6- Attaining blessed livelihood: When a man supports his wife, children, and family, their livelihood increases and becomes blessed, as God has appointed all creatures' sustenance, from birth to death. God, the Exalted, says: “And there is no creature on earth but that upon Allah is its provision, and He knows its place of dwelling and place of storage. All is in a clear register.” [Hud 11:6]

 

{وَمَا مِن دَابَّةٍ فِي الْأَرْضِ إِلَّا عَلَى اللَّـهِ رِزْقُهَا وَيَعْلَمُ مُسْتَقَرَّهَا وَمُسْتَوْدَعَهَا ۚ كُلٌّ فِي كِتَابٍ مُّبِينٍ}
هود: 6

Transliteration: Wama min dabbatin fee alardi illa AAala Allahi rizquha wayaAAlamu mustaqarraha wamustawdaAAaha kullun fee kitabin mubeenin

7- Muslims' connectedness and bound through marriage, as it is a cause of connectedness between tribes and families knowing each other. God, the Exalted, says: “People, We have created you all male and female and have made you nations and tribes so that you would recognize each other. The most honorable among you in the sight of God is the most pious of you. God is All-knowing and All-aware.” [Al-Hujurat :13]

 

{يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقْنَاكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلْنَاكُمْ شُعُوبًا وَقَبَائِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوا ۚ إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِندَ اللَّـهِ أَتْقَاكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّـهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌ}
الحجرات: 13


Transliteration: Ya ayyuha alnnasu inna khalaqnakum min thakarin waontha wajaAAalnakum shuAAooban waqabaila litaAAarafoo inna akramakum AAinda Allahi atqakum inna Allaha AAaleemun khabeerun

Causes of Late Marriages:

Muslim families should be aware of the causes of spinsterhood, its danger, and the negative consequences upon single or unmarried women to be without husbands to care about them and protect their chastity, so they can avoid these causes, not to find difficulty dealing with this problem, or to be totally unable to solve it, God forbid.

The following are some of the most prominent reasons that women do not get married or be late in getting married:

1- High costs of marriage that can be done without and that are not from the very basics of marriage. There are many young men who decide not to take that step because of the high costs and exaggeration in needless luxuries.

2- Parents' prevention due to their fear to be deprived from the service she provides them or her salary, as sometimes the family needs the woman to take care of a sick person or young orphans and so on, so they reject her marriage in the appropriate time. It is not possible to find a husband who accepts such a situation hoping to get the reward from God, especially when he knows about the woman's insistence on honoring her parents or her orphan children, so she misses all her chances, and nothing is left but regret.

3- The late age of marriage with the excuse that a girl waits to finish her education and a man to find a job, even though with some coordination the girl can get married and still finishes her education. The earlier she gets married the better for her, as her chances of marriage to a suitable man are better when she is still young, especially with existence of suitors who do allow their wives to finish their study.

As for men: young men can get married if their families are rich, even if they do not have jobs yet. Besides, young men can manage their marriage while studying by working in their spare time to improve their income. Allah says: “And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.” [An-Nur 24:32]

 

 

{وَأَنكِحُوا الْأَيَامَى مِنكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ إِن يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاء يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ }
النور: 32


Transliteration: Waankihoo alayama minkum waalssaliheena min AAibadikum waimaikum in yakoonoo fuqaraa yughnihimu Allahu min fadlihi waAllahu wasiAAun AAaleemun

4- Over-ambition or greed to find perfection at the other mate. On the one hand, we find the woman living in an illusion that she will marry the perfect one, who is rich, highly educated, belongs to a noble family, leads a high position and has never been married before. As a result, she refuses many proposals and grows old, and the older she grows the less her chances will be, and so on.

So does the man; he wants her to be beautiful, knowledgeable, educated and from the elite. Ambition is not to be denied, but over-ambition is, especially when one acknowledges his imperfections, shortcomings, and that perfection is an unattainable goal as it is God's only.

5-Muslim men get married to foreign women with the excuse of the low cost of marrying to her when compared to that in their societies. It is known that for each marriage to a foreign girl, another one from our countries will be left out with no husband, which has become more common lately. Men do so disregarding the consequences of such marriage and its negative impacts not only on society, but also on the man himself, especially if this marriage results in children and a disagreement occurs. The least could be said that disagreement with a woman from the same country has far less negative consequences compared to that with women from other countries; In the first case, children will be supervised and watched over by one of their parents and the other one may see them from time to another. However, if the wife belongs to another country, then divorce will result in children deprivation from their parents forever.

6- Fear of going through a failure marriage, because of the high number of divorces compared to the total number of marriages, and in such case, it is better to consider the inspiring models of successful marriages. Moreover, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) had forbidden pessimism, as we should accept God's will, and that sometimes failure in one's marriage and divorce are caused by their committed sins. Worth mentioning, that men and women are equally responsible for the failure of their marriage and having the divorce.

Consequences of "Single hood" to Muslims:

All that God the Exalted legislated to His slaves involves their interest and well-being. One of His commands is getting married for its benefits to the individual and the community. According to that, violating God's law concerning any issue has its negative consequences on the individual and the community. Late marriage or even staying unmarried is considered of these violations. From its prominent threats what follows:

1- Moral corruption and spread of adultery are from the most prominent threats, as God created humans with the sexual urge and legislated a permissible way to fulfill it; marriage. When a man or a woman stays unmarried, then - except for those with strong belief - they may incline to satisfy their urge impermissibly, especially with the presence of temptations, the spread of seduction which one get exposed to in his daily life through the multimedia, women shameless appearance and the frequent travel to disbelievers' countries.

2- Members of the society from both genders suffer from psychiatric diseases, as single men and women are the most vulnerable to mental and emotional disorders. Bachelors and spinsters are the most likely to suffer from such disorders due to their loneliness, emotional gap, comparing themselves to others, longing to having children to experience parenthood, wishing for stability at matrimonial house as each one of them needs the other's love and compassion to achieve psychological balance . This could be achieved through marriage as God explains this saying: “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” [Ar-Rum 30:21]

 

 

{وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ}
الروم: 21


Transliteration: Wamin ayatihi an khalaqa lakum min anfusikum azwajan litaskunoo ilayha wajaAAala baynakum mawaddatan warahmatan inna fee thalika laayatin liqawmin yatafakkaroona

3- Lack of Muslims offspring and weakness of the Islamic nation: Multiplication of offspring will be achieved only through marriage, and it is one of its main goals which is hindered by the spread of spinsterhood, which leads in its turn to imbalance of normal social life that the Muslims should live. Some major countries are working hard to increase its offspring, in order to maintain its strength and position among the other countries. In the same time Western countries try to promote contraception, and propagate birth control means in Muslim countries using flimsy arguments.

Realistic Experiences

The phenomenon of staying unmarried has become very common in our Muslim community that its consequences are getting more severe on daily basis. Yet, these consequences are at their peak to those who are directly suffering from it, especially women. Here are some experiences about the bitterness of this tragedy:

1- A spinster narrates her story saying: I used to turn down proposals when I was still studying. After I finished my education, I was waiting to find the one for me, but did not receive any more proposals. I got too busy working that I grew too old to have children and lost my motherhood instinct, which I still regret.

2- A widow whose husband died just after their marriage contract narrates: My husband's death turned me, in the eyes of many ignorant, from a funny girl to an ominous one. I became a symbol of pessimist that young and old men feared to propose to me. Finally, I lost any hope of getting married, and my world turned to grief. I am now forty one years old, living alone, without a husband, and who would dare marrying me?! (Where is the role of the society?)

3- Another one narrates saying: I had many arguments with my husband because of his persistence to remarry another woman and I objected that. He left the house and left me alone with my children during Ramadan, and resided at his mother's. He did not contact us during the whole month, and then he sent me the divorce certificate and told me that he married his cousin, I fainted then.

4- Latifa Muhammad is a 43 years old teacher, narrates regretfully her story: I lived in an illusion that no one proposed to me, till I have discovered that truth! My father, may God forgive him, was the reason for me to stay unmarried till now. After I had finished my education at the institution, I got a job and I received my salary and I gave it to my father with whom I had a very definite relationship all my life . My father wickedly planned and carried out his intentions by refusing any marriage proposals to me without my knowledge. Time passed away, and I grew too old to get married, which is my father's fault, may God forgive him”.

A Message to the Muslim Girls:

The problem in finding a suitable suitor which keeps the woman waiting for long has dangerous consequences on everyone. Lots of women do nothing to solve this problem but passively wait for the sustenance of God. The question here is: should women do so without taking any action, or should they positively handle this issue instead of being only spiritual about it?

Women should seek possible and permissible ways to get married, but firstly they should trust and depend on God alone for attainment of benefits and keeping away harm, as depending on others is considered associating others to Him.

After having full faith and confidence in God the Almighty, women may do lots of things.

Among these things:

1- She should be patient and accept God will, as He may keep His sustenance as a kind of plight or a test of one's faith. Patience leads, eventually, to success and response to one's prayers, and God the Almighty gives good tidings to the patient.

2- She also should pray as frequently and persistently as possible at the most preferable times of praying and avoid the reasons that keep her prayers from being answered. There are many verses that urge praying and emphasizing its importance. God, the Exalted says: "So seek from Allah provision" [Al-‘Ankabut 29:17]

 

 

{فَابْتَغُوا عِندَ اللَّـهِ الرِّزْقَ}
العنكبوت: 17


Transliteration: faibtaghoo AAinda Allahi alrrizqa

Sheikh Ibn Othaimeen, may God have mercy on his soul, interpreted this verse in his book "The useful saying about the book of Monotheism" saying, "from Allah" is mentioned before "provision" (in the Arabic verses of Qur’an) to give the meaning of exclusion. In other words, only Allah has the power of granting provision.

Moreover, El-Sheikh Ibn Sa'di, may God have mercy on his soul, interpreted this verse: "He is facilitating and answering prayers of the ones who pray to Him for the interests in their current lives and the Hereafter".

And I am saying: when a woman is granted a good husband this is an interest in her life and the Hereafter.

3- She should seek forgiveness from God due to its benefits in life and the Hereafter. God, the Exalted, says about Noah, peace be upon him "And said, 'Ask forgiveness of your Lord. Indeed, He is ever a Perpetual Forgiver. (10) He will send [rain from] the sky upon you in [continuing] showers (11) And give you increase in wealth and children and provide for you gardens and provide for you rivers." [Nuh71:10-12]

 

 

{فَقُلْتُ اسْتَغْفِرُوا رَبَّكُمْ إِنَّهُ كَانَ غَفَّارًا ﴿١٠﴾رْسِلِ السَّمَاءَ عَلَيْكُم مِّدْرَارًا ﴿١١﴾ وَيُمْدِدْكُم بِأَمْوَالٍ وَبَنِينَ وَيَجْعَل لَّكُمْ جَنَّاتٍ وَيَجْعَل لَّكُمْ أَنْهَارًا}
نوح: 10-12


Transliteration: Faqultu istaghfiroo rabbakum innahu kana ghaffaran (10) Yursili alssamaa AAalaykum midraran (11) Wayumdidkum biamwalin wabaneena wayajAAal lakum jannatin wayajAAal lakum anharan

4- She should perform the obligatory prayers faithfully as God the Exalted and his Messenger, peace and prayer be upon Him, commanded.

5- She should be pious by avoiding sins which is one of the strongest reasons to achieve one's goal, as God the Exalted said: “And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out (2) And will provide for him from where he does not expect.” [At-Talaq 65: 2-3]

 

 

{...وَمَن يَتَّقِ اللَّـهَ يَجْعَل لَّهُ مَخْرَجًا ﴿٢﴾ وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ...}
الطلاق: 2-3


Transliteration: waman yattaqi Allaha yajAAal lahu makhrajan (2) Wayarzuqhu min haythu la yahtasibu

" And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him of his matter ease." [At-Talaq 65:4]

 

 

{...وَمَن يَتَّقِ اللَّـهَ يَجْعَل لَّهُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِ يُسْرًا}
الطلاق: 4


Transliteration: waman yattaqi Allaha yajAAal lahu min amrihi yusran

A person might be deprived from God's provision because of a sin he/she committed, so they receive their punishment in life as an expiation for their sin.

6- She should avoid earning her living by a prohibited way, because it is a sin in itself, and it keeps prayers from being answered. The Prophetic speech, Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) said: "…. then He mentioned a man who spends long time traveling, whose face and body covered with dust, and extending his hands towards the sky: O God... O God, but he earns his living by a prohibited way, how can his prayers ever be answered."

 

 

‹‹...ثم ذكر الرجل يطيل السفر . أشعث أغبر . يمد يديه إلى السماء . يا رب ! يا رب ! ومطعمه حرام ، ومشربه حرام ، وملبسه حرام ، وغذي بالحرام . فأنى يستجاب لذلك ؟››
صحيح مسلم


7- She should tell her parents indirectly about her desire of stability by showing her love to children, embracing and talking to them, so God may enlighten their minds to help her find a good husband.

8- She should indirectly hint to her married friends whom she trusts about her desire to get married, hopefully one of their husbands will introduce her to one of their good friends.

9- She may indirectly contact trustworthy people who do charities purely for God’s sake, that they might help her find a good husband, for example, an Imam in a mosque, or a judge, or a preacher. She should use a proper way of asking them; for example that she has a sister in Islam who needs help in finding a good husband, and she tells him all the details about herself as if she is talking about the other girl.

10- She should get to know pious women and attend family occasions, especially the ones where no sins are committed, as her absence from these occasions causes ignorance of close families about her existence, looks, and morals. She should have good relations and be courteous with relatives and neighbors, because good morals are worship with a reward in current life and the Hereafter. Then, people would know that she is someone with morals, piety and courtesy, so she will be mentioned among mothers and relatives of men willing to get married.

11- She should be aware of issues that attract good suitors whether morally, practically or scientifically. For example, mastering housework, cooking, reading useful books especially those about parenting, excelling at preaching, memorizing Quran, good education and others.

12- She should be aware of things that may ruin her reputation or may drive away suitors from her, such as:

a- Women should preserve their chastity, and be conservative, because society never forgets any woman's slap, however trivial is it.
b- Women should not take lightly the promotion of virtue and prevention of vice, whether indoors or outdoors.
c- Women should not ride with a driver without Mehrim (an unmarriageable kin).
d- Women should not go out frequently without important reasons.
e- Women should not go out wearing makeup and perfumes or shamelessly.
f- Imitating infidel or disrespectful women and so on.

13- She should not compare between who proposes to her and anyone else's husband.

14- She should not be demanding or greedy to the extent of requiring perfection in her husband. Women should make compromises, especially, if it is not about religion, or ethics, such as:

a- Women should accept divorced men, even if they have children, especially if she is older than the appropriate age of marriage. A divorced man can be appropriate in other aspects, as in age, or a prestigious social position. Moreover, if she brings-up those children only for God’s sake, surely, God will reward her.

b- Women should accept those who are from a lower financial, social or cultural rank. What really matters here is the sense of familiarity and affection as it is what brings people closer, and make them disregard each other's defects.

c- Women should not pay all their attention to appearance as external beauty is changeable, while the inner beauty is the permanent one. Who would need a man with a beautiful face, and unlikable manners?

d- Women should accept polygamy, and be aware of its advantages. Marrying a married man, having children and a home is much better than living alone, waiting for the unmarried one who may never come and wasting their lives in vain.

e- Women should make compromises like giving up the condition of finishing their education or work, especially if their husbands can afford all their requirements.

f- Women should not insist on living in an independent house, and accept to live with their husbands’ family. This even may be useful to them, especially when their husbands’ family cooperate with them in taking care of the children when they are out to fulfill a necessity.

g- Women should compromise about some of marriage expenses, especially if they are rich, as a successful marriage is not based upon exaggeration and putting too much pressure on the husband.

h- Women should give up their right in supporting, providing a house or time spent with them if necessary to a certain degree, especially if these compromises do not go against their personal interests.

i- Women should give up the condition of living close to their families, as with the existence of children and being busy with them, they will get used to being away from their families so that it makes no difference whether they live near or far.

j- Women should contribute in some of the marriage and the house expenses if they can afford it, as cooperation is one of the successful marriage bases.

k- Women should compromise about the equality in scientific degrees, as how many men holding a high degree certificate and are not knowledgeable in their current life and the Hereafter as those who attain a lesser degree.

A Message to the Guardian:

God the Almighty says: “And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.” [An-Nur 24:32]

 

 

{وَأَنكِحُوا الْأَيَامَى مِنكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ إِن يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاء يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ }
النور: 32


Transliteration: Waankihoo alayama minkum waalssaliheena min AAibadikum waimaikum in yakoonoo fuqaraa yughnihimu Allahu min fadlihi waAllahu wasiAAun AAaleemun

Sheikh Ibn Sa'dy, may Allah have mercy upon his soul, interpreted this verse: "God commands parents, guardians and masters to find the girls under their custody good husbands, whether they are virgins or have been married before, and same is applied on the orphans whom they are obligated to support".

We should fear Allah the Almighty, not just that we should not hinder women from finding good husbands, but also help them by searching and aiding them. Some people may find this opinion strange; others may disagree or even resent it or disrespect it.

If that woman wanted to join a certain department in college or to get a job, her parents would have done everything to achieve that and would not have minded to mention her full name, age, grades and other information for admission or employment.

What is more important to be initiative and positive about, working and studying or getting married to a good man to achieve chastity and making a Muslim family?!

We should take into consideration that making a Muslim family implies lots of benefits to current life and the Hereafter, such as keeping the Muslims' morals from corruption and their psychological state from being disordered, God forbid.

Let us remember the story of the righteous man and Moses, peace be upon Him, when the man offered him to marry one of his two daughters. The Imam Al Bukhary, God may have mercy on his soul, wrote a chapter in his "Saheeh" titled “A man may offer his daughter or sister to good man to marry her”.

He said that when Hafsa, Omar Ibn Al Khatab's daughter, became a widow, as her husband Khonais Ibn Hothaifa As-Sahmy died in Al Medina, Omar Ibn Al Khatab said: "I went to Othman Ibn Affan, and asked him to marry Hafsa".

Othman asked Omar for time to think.

Omar waited his answer for several nights. Then Othman told him that he did not want to marry.

Then Omar went to Abu Bakr, and asked him if he would marry Hafsa. However, Abu Bakr did not respond to Omar's offer. Omar waited for his response for several nights. Then, the Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) engaged Hafsa. After that, Omar met Abu Bakr and Abu Bakr asked him if he was upset because he did not respond to his request. Omar answered with yes, Abu Bakr told him that he did not respond to him about Hafsa, because he knew that Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) had intended to marry her. Eventually, he would not disclose the Prophet’s matter and “If Prophet Mohammed did not marry her, I would have”, said Abou Bakr.

 

 

››أن عمر بن الخطاب ، حين تأيمت حفصة بنت عمر من خنيس بن حذافة السهمي ، وكان من أصحاب رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ، فتوفي بالمدينة ، فقال عمر ابن الخطاب : أتيت عثمان بن عفان ، فعرضت عليه حفصة ، فقال : سأنظر في أمري ، فلبثت ليالي ثم لقيني فقال : قد بدا لي أن لا أتزوج يومي هذا . قال عمر : فلقيت أبا بكر الصديق ، فقلت : إن شئت زوجتك حفصة بنت عمر ، فصمت أبو بكر فلم يرجع إلي شيئا ، وكنت أوجد عليه مني على عثمان ، فلبثت ليالي ثم خطبها رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فأنكحتها إياه ، فلقيني أبو بكر فقال : لعلك وجدت علي حين عرضت علي حفصة فلم أرجع إليك شيئا ؟ قال عمر : قلت : نعم ، قال أبو بكر : فإنه لم يمنعني أن أرجع إليك فيما عرضت علي ، إلا أني كنت علمت أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قد ذكرها ، فلم أكن لأفشي سر رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ، ولو تركها رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قبلتها .‹‹
رواه البخاري


Those benefits are mentioned by Ibn Hajar, God may have mercy on his soul, in his commentary on the previous Prophetic tradition: “It is not shameful for a man to ask people to marry one's daughter and others of whom he is in charge of, especially the righteous ones”.

He would even ask those who are already married.

Ibn Battal was quoted saying "A man is permitted to ask people to marry his daughter who has been married before, without forcing her, if he knows that she will accept, and if the suitor is compatible to her."

One of the guardians and parents’ duties is helping their daughters or sisters, to make the right choice of suitors. They should not leave them till they grow old, so they become worried, or frightened. They should encourage them to get married, and warn them from the harmful consequences of refusing a compatible suitor. They also should discuss the reasons of their disapproval of good proposals.

A word to the Muslim society

God, the Exalted, says: "And cooperate in righteousness and piety, but do not cooperate in sin and aggression." [Al-Ma’idah 5:2]

 

 

{وَتَعَاوَنُواْ عَلَى الْبرِّ وَالتَّقْوَى وَلاَ تَعَاوَنُواْ عَلَى الإِثْمِ وَالْعُدْوَانِ}
المائدة: 2


Transliteration: wataAAawanoo AAala albirri waalttaqwa wala taAAawanoo AAala alithmi waalAAudwani

In the past, the Muslim society did not suffer from the phenomenon of late marriage and staying without marriage. Such phenomenon rarely happened those days, which cannot be taken as norm. But in our contemporary Muslim societies, we begin to see warning signs regarding the spread of the phenomenon of women being without marriage. This phenomenon has reached many Muslim houses, where we find unmarried women, or divorced, or worry about another misfortunate marriage trial, or a widow who fears to remarry so her children might become victims of it.

Unfortunately, many men have hard conditions even if it is his second or third marriage, and compromising or seeking God's reward are not in their agenda anymore. Late marriage is not an individual's problem, but a social one, that everyone should contribute in solving it.

For example, Imams in mosques in every neighborhood can discuss the problem with those who perform prayers, and speak generally about this problem while preaching. This might encourage some members of the society to help in solving this problem.

Writing articles in newspapers and magazines, and enlightening the society about the dimensions of this issue and its negative consequences that may affect the guardians and men willing to get married for the first time or even the second time.

Urging the society members to introduce those who want to get married to each other, using permissible means. Fear of failure should not be taken as an excuse, as who guides to do a charity is equally rewarded to the one who does it, and nothing will harm children of Adam unless it is already fated for them.

Reminding the guardians with God's punishment if they do not help their girls to get married. This can be done through messages sent from philanthropist, distributing booklets or tapes that discuss this issue.

Convincing youth to get married and urging them to make some compromises in marriage, as no one is perfect except God.

Convincing women that their choice of good husbands should be based upon religiousness and moral bases, and any other worldly merits are changeable and temporary.

Equivocal Deeds

Some women think that they can get a good husband by doing certain things. Then, they hurry on doing such acts without considering if they are religiously permissible or not.

Examples of such acts:

1- Relying on others than God while seeking provision. People should trust God the Almighty only, besides seeking possible and permissible ways to achieve their goals. Some women forget that God is solely responsible of their sustenance, so they think that the prestigious position, fortune or elite are what attract a good husband, and forget that these are only reasons. Moreover, there are countless girls who possess these qualities, yet they do not receive good proposals, while these qualities might be a plight on them as well. God the Exalted says: "And upon Allah rely, if you should be believers. "[Al Ma’idah 5: 23]

 

 

{وَعَلَى اللّهِ فَتَوَكَّلُواْ إِن كُنتُم مُّؤْمِنِينَ}
المائدة: 23


Transliteration: waAAala Allahi fatawakkaloo in kuntum mumineena

Seeking help should be from Allah only, and we should depend on Him in helping us worshipping Him. Allah the Exalted says: "And whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him. " [At-Talaq 65: 3].

 

 

{وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ}
الطلاق:3


Transliteration: waman yatawakkal AAalaAllahi fahuwahasbuhu

2- Praying to the dead Prophets and righteous people to help her in finding a good husband. Praying to the dead and seeking their help is associating others to Allah which excommunicates one from Islam, even if he prays, fasts and claims to be a Muslim.

3- Going to fortune-tellers, and sorcerers to ask them when they will marry. In a Prophetic speech: "Who go to sorcerers or fortune-tellers to ask them about the future and believes them, are disbelievers of what has been revealed to Muhammad, peace upon Him" [Authenticated by Al-Albani]

 

 

‹‹من أتى كاهنًا أو عرافًا فصدقه بما يقول فقد كفر بما أنزل على محمد››
صححه الألباني


4- Some women think if they reveal their faces, or show their beauty, then men would admire them and engage them.

5- Some women also think that going out to shopping and to places where men exist, even if those women are veiled, will be a reason for them to be engaged.

In a Prophetic speech: "The most hateful places to Allah are markets".[Al-Albani said it is authentic]

 

 

‹‹وأبغض البقاع إلى الله الأسواق››
قال الألباني: حسن صحيح


6- Some women might be tricked by flattering phone calls; that the flatterers may propose to them, who confirm the truth of their proposal with false swears, and their sugar-coated talks, so they fall into traps that the society would never forget about even if they repent.

7- Correspondence between men and women, that is a mean that the girl may resort to sometimes to get introduced to men with the goal of getting a good husband. There are many bitter troubles caused to girls and their families because of such deed.

8- Some women might give their pictures to friends, or publish them in magazines, so that men admire them and propose to them. However, not only religious men but also non-religious ones want to marry only the virtuous women with high ethics, and women who are known to be otherwise are resented by everyone.

9- Her desire of marrying someone who cannot get married for reasons he cannot overcome. These reasons may be social, political, or any other personal reasons that make him unwilling to marry her or any other woman. Consequently, she lives in an illusion and refuses all proposals; she finally ends up without marriage all her life.

10- A woman may offer herself to a mean man to marry her legitimately. So he abuses her and gets her in incurable troubles, using the excuse that she is the one who offered herself to him. To make matters worse, he may divorce her for trivial reasons, or never trust her.

Conclusion:

Be aware, dear reader, Allah the Almighty has granted his slaves many blessings, and it is His right on them to offer their thanks to Him and maintain these blessings. A man having a good wife or a woman having a good husband is one of the greatest blessings, so both of them should offer their thanks for it. That should be done through:

- Fulfilling the other's partner rights as perfectly as it should be.

- Taking necessary action to provide all means of happiness.

- Being cautious of whatever may cause trouble in the relationship between them.

- Seeking help from Allah the Almighty whenever a disagreement occurs between them.

- Benefit from tapes and brochures that talk about what improves and develops the marital relationship.

- Benefit from others' experiences that had taken place in their society.

In conclusion, I hope that I have done a good job in presenting some positive suggestions and ideas that contribute in solving the problem of late marriage or staying unmarried.



Translated by
Wathakker.info website

 

 

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