Abu Ad-Darda', may Allah be pleased with him, said to his wife: "If you see me angry, calm me down, and if I see you angry, I will calm you down, otherwise it will be too difficult to live together."
Recommendations for Every Husband and Wife
First: Recommendations for wives
(Collection of guiding messages: the first message)
It is much recommended to give some good advice to every woman who is about to get married:
It was narrated that Anas, may Allâh be pleased with him, said: The companions, may Allâh be pleased with them, of the Messenger of Allâh, prayers and peace of Allâh be upon, used to, when giving a woman to her husband in marriage, tell her to devote herself to serving her husband and taking care of his rights.
The advice of father for his daughter before the consummation of marriage:
‘Abdullah ibn Ja‘ffar ibn Abu Tâlib, may Allâh be pleased with him, advised his daughter by saying:
1- Beware of jealousy; it is the key word of divorce.
2- Beware of much blame; it creates grudge.
3- Use kohl (a substance for lining one’s eyes); it is the best adornment.
4- Water is the best perfume.
The advice of the husband to his wife:
Abu Ad-Dardâ’, may Allâh be pleased with him, said to his wife: “If you see me angry, calm me down, and if I see you angry, I will calm you down, otherwise it will be too difficult to live together.”
A husband once said to his wife:
Hold to forgiveness and clemency, so affection will persist,
And do not speak while I am angry,
Do not hit my rage as you hit the tambourine,
For we do not know what may happen,
Do not make much complain for this dissipates love,
And so my heart will hate you for hearts changes quickly,
I saw that if love and harm gathered together in the heart,
Then love will be vanished instantly.
The advice of the mother to her daughter before the consummation of marriage:
‘Amr ibn Hajar, the king of Kindah, engaged Umm Iyaas bint ‘Awf ibn Muhallim Ash-Shaybâni. When the time of marriage is due and before the consummation of marriage, her mother Bint Al-Hârith talked to her privately. She gave her some good advice explaining for her the basis of leading a happy marital life and what she has to do for her husband. She said: O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you possess these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father’s wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
O my daughter, you are about to leave the home and atmosphere in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.
Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you.
- The first and second of them are: Be obedient and content in his company, and listen to and obey him well.
- The third and fourth of them are: Make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you.
- The fifth and sixth of them are: Prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
- The seventh and eight of them are: Take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him highly, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
- The ninth and tenth of them are: Never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.
Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy.
By: Khateeb (orator) Of the Masjid of Fâris Al-Waqyân