Angel, Ex-Christian, USA
Every Muslim has a story about their journey to Islam. Each one
is interesting and curious to me. God truly guides who he wants and
only who he wants. I feel so blessed to have been one of the
chosen. Here is my story.
I always believed in one God. My entire life during hardship, I
asked God for help even as a child. I remember crying on my knees
in the kitchen, screaming and crying all around me. I was praying
for God to make it stop. Religion on the other hand never did make
sense. The older I got, the less it really made sense to me. People
thinking they were the negotiator between you and God.
I felt the same about Jesus, [may the
blessing and mercy of God be upon him]. How does it work that this
man would save us all from our sins? Why do we have the right to
sin just because of him? I refused the bible in all of its
versions, believing something translated and rewritten so many
times could not to be the real words of God. Around the age of
fifteen I had given up on the idea of finding God.
Growing up, my family was the average American family. Everyone I
knew had similar problems growing up. My dad was a hardworking blue
collar alcoholic. As time progressed his condition worsened, and so
did his perversion. Sexual abuse, physical abuse, and fear made an
imprint on my childhood that would reflect the rest of my life. He
passed away when I was in the sixth grade. My parents had divorced
by then. I was the youngest of eight children. My mother would go
to work to support us, and I was home alone a lot.
Here I was, one of those kids who pull from society, who scare
people when they walk into a room. I began wearing black clothing
and the dark makeup. I listened to the gothic music and fantasized
about death. Death seemed to be less of fear and more of solution
to this growing problem. I felt alone all time, even around
friends. I tried to fill the gap with cigarettes, then alcohol,
sex, drugs and then anything that would take me from my own
thoughts. I tried to kill myself at least fifteen times. No matter
what I tried this pain inside of me never seemed to subside.
I was in college when I became pregnant with my son, I feared for
my son's health and could not dream of giving him away. I worked
endlessly to provide for my son. Squeezing all the pain and anger
into my heart, I changed my life some. By this time, I trusted no
one. Three years later, I started to date again. I got engaged. I
truly wanted to have the something more. As with all of my past
experiences, my world came crashing down. I was 25 and pregnant
with my daughter and ended the relationship with my fiancé after he
repeatedly cheated and physically hurt me. I had no idea what was
next.
During this time I was working for a Pakistani guy who was Muslim.
I never watched the news or even cared really what was going on.
Being Muslim to me was no different than any other religion. As
time moved on I became friends with several Muslim men. I began to
notice something dramatically different. They had these
unquestionable morals. A devotion to God in a way that required
them to pray five times a day. Let alone the fact that they did not
drink or do drugs. For my generation this was old school morals,
maybe your grandparents might have followed.
When my daughter was born, you can't imagine my surprise when one
of these guys came in and brought gifts. I was shocked stupid he
held her and spoke to her. I had never seen men behave this way
over a baby. The kindness only increased with time over the next
four months. I can't express the love that was shown to us. Slowly
my interest in their religion grew. I was curious as to what kind
of religion could instill these kinds of values into people.
I was sharing a home with seven people when one night I decided to
borrow my roommate's computer. I was too afraid to offend my
friends by asking them questions, so I turned to the internet. The
first site I opened was http://www.islam-brief-guide.org. I was
dumb founded. It was if a black cloth had been lifted from my body,
and I swear to you that I had never felt so close to God. Within
twenty-four hours, I took my Shahadah.
To this day the majority of my time is spent on research. For the
first time in my life something had stopped the anger, and the
pain. I truly felt the love and fear of God. God had replaced the
pain inside of me with his light, and faith in him. Since my
conversion, God has truly blessed me. God gave me the strength to
quite smoking, drinking and have not used drugs in almost two
years. I am married to a wonderful Muslim man. He has taken my
children and made them ours. I have something that I always wanted
- a family, [all praise is due to God].
By Angel
The Religion of Islam
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