Kind Treatment of Wives
- Categories: Muslim Women's Issues -
God instructs men to be nice to their wives and to treat them
well to the best of their ability:
{…And live with them in
kindness…} [Quran 4:19]
{...وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ
بِالْمَعْرُوفِ...} [النساء:١٩]
Transliteration: ... Wa `Āshirūhunna
Bil-Ma`rūfi...
The Messenger of God said, «The most
perfect of believers in belief is the best of them in character.
The best of you are those who are the best to their women.»
[1] The Prophet of Mercy tells us that a husband's treatment of his
wife reflects a Muslim's good character, which in turn is a
reflection of the man's faith. How can a Muslim husband be good to
his wife? He should smile, not hurt her emotionally, remove
anything that will harm her, treat her gently, and be patient with
her.
Being nice includes good communication. A husband should be willing
to open up, and be willing to listen to his wife. Many times a
husband wants to air his frustrations (like work). He should not
forget to ask her about what annoys her (like when children would
not do their homework). A husband should not talk about important
things with her when he or his wife is angry, tired, or hungry.
Communication, compromise, and consideration are the cornerstone of
marriage.
Being nice includes encouraging one's wife. The most meaningful
admiration comes from a sincere heart that notices what really
matters - what the wife really values. So a husband should ask
himself what she feels most insecure about and discover what she
values. That is the wife's sweet spot of praise. The more the
husband compliments it, the more the wife will admire it, the more
on target this healthy habit will be. Kind words are like, "I like
the way you think," "You look beautiful in those clothes," and "I
love hearing your voice on the phone."
Human beings are imperfect. The Messenger of God said,«A believing man should not hate a believing
woman. If he dislikes something in her character, he should be
pleased with some other trait of hers.» [2] A man should not
hate his wife because if he dislikes something in her, he will find
something he likes about her if he gives it a chance. One way to be
aware of what he likes in his wife is for the husband to make a
list of a half dozen things he appreciates about her. Marriage
experts recommend that one be as specific as possible and focus on
character traits - just as the Prophet of Islam recommended, not
just what she does for the husband. For example, a husband may
appreciate the way she arranges his clean laundry, but the
underlying character trait may be that she is thoughtful. The
husband should consider admirable traits such as being
compassionate, generous, kind, devout, creative, elegant, honest,
affectionate, energetic, gentle, optimistic, committed, faithful,
confident, cheerful, and so on. A husband should give himself some
time to construct this list, and review it in times of conflict
when he is most likely to feel averse towards his wife. It will
help him be more aware of his wife's good attributes and far more
likely to compliment them.
A companion asked the Prophet of God what is the right of a wife
over her husband?' He said, «That you
feed her when you eat and clothe her when you clothe yourself and
do not strike her face. Do not malign her and do not keep apart
from her, except in the house.» [3]
Conflict in marriage is virtually inevitable and it leads to lot of
anger. Although anger is one of the most difficult emotions to
manage, the first step toward controlling it can be learning how to
forgive those who hurt us. In case of conflict, a husband should
not stop talking to his wife and emotionally hurt her, but he may
stop sleeping in the same bed if it will improve the situation.
Under no circumstance, even when he is angry or somehow feels
justified, is a husband allowed to malign her by using hurtful
words or cause her any injury.
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Footnotes:
[1] Al-Tirmidhi
[2] Saheeh Muslim.
[3] Abu Daud.
By IslamReligion.com