Nichole Arel, Ex-Christian, USA
- Categories: Da'wah to Non-Muslims -
Often I find myself reflecting upon how blessed I am. The life
that I lead now is a world away from the one I expected to lead
just a year ago: my first thoughts upon waking in the morning, my
imagined path in life, and especially my heart and soul. I would
never have dreamt that in less than a year my life would take such
unexpected turns. Not only that. The path I now take has led me to
roads I never knew existed. Indeed where you start your journey is
in no way indicative of where you end up.
As a child, I longed to be taken to church. The feeling of
community and worship held my mind in fascination. I longed for the
feeling of drawing close to God even before I could formulate such
thoughts in my own mind. Something incomprehensible held my young
soul in awe, so much so that I made a habit of waking my father
every Sunday by begging him to take me to church.
Unfortunately my family was much like average American Christians,
content to call themselves religious based on their twice-yearly
attendance to Catholic Mass: on Christmas and Easter Sunday. Thus I
grew accustomed to hearing the phrase, "not today, maybe next
week." Dejectedly, I would sulk back into my room and wait for next
Sunday to arrive, only to repeat the disappointing process all over
again.
As I grew older, I learned to stop asking since my attempts had all
been in vain. I became content to spend all my free time in
solitude reading, usually books on world cultures and religions. As
I learned more about the history of my religion, Catholicism, I was
repulsed by its condemnation of questioning the doctrine. "Surely
this cannot be the right sect of Christianity," I thought.
Time ticked by and still I had not found the religion that seemed
to speak to my heart. Perhaps I was expecting to find something to
stir the same feelings that I felt as a child in church, although I
knew this was a naïve wish. The alienation from religion occurs
only when one begins to understand religions' claims and
contradictions.
I couldn't wrap my mind around the claim of the Trinity no matter
how hard I tried. I couldn't understand how I was supposed to
believe in concepts that were incomprehensible. I was angry that
reason was assumed to have no place in Christianity and the act of
questioning doctrine was considered a sign of weak faith. What then
could be the reason God gave man the ability to rationalize?
Eventually I gave up altogether and assumed that I would never find
the truth. I was resigned to believe that there was a God but that
humans would never be able to know God's nature or the true
religion for man until we met Him one day.
I lived many years with this belief until very recently when it
seemed that something inexplicable was urging me back to my quest
for the truth. This urge was almost a voice but not in the normal
sense. It was an insistent nagging that never left me alone no
matter what I did to drown it out.
So naturally I bought a Bible to read, thinking that the truth must
be hidden between the pages. Maybe I just missed it all those years
ago. This was closer to the truth than I could ever have
guessed.
During my reading of the Bible I happened to be obsessed with the
current events of the world. I found myself spending all my free
time alternating between writing letters to my government's
officials pleading for the rights of the Palestinians and the
Sudanese as well as against wars that are so commonplace around the
globe, and reading about sects of Christianity.
I planned on volunteering in Palestine if I could gather the money
to travel there. Naturally, given the turmoil in the region and my
travel plans, it seemed necessary to read about Islam and
understand the faith of the people that I yearned to help.
I was enthralled by what I read about the Muslim faith.The concept
of One God not a trinity, the reverence for all of the prophets
which I found lacking in the Bible, the scientific aspects of the
Qur'an, the all-encompassing facets of Islam, the respect for
mothers, the sanctity of family. This was the only religion that I
had ever happened upon which made sense to a rational mind yet was
still filled with the mystery of God.
But Islam had to be an Arab religion, right? It can't be the faith
that young American women gravitate to, can it? I soon discovered
that Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world, that the
majority of Muslims are not Arab, and that some of the most rapid
growth of Islam in the West is among my demographic group of young
white women.
The thought of actually turning away from Christianity, no matter
how little sense the religion itself made to me, was terrifying and
confusing. I decided to attend a non-denominational church on
Sundays and devote more time to reading the Bible. I prayed that I
would find what I was searching for but all I came away with was
more confusion. I still couldn't accept the Trinity and I was
shocked that I couldn't find one passage in the Bible where Jesus
claimed to be God.
How could we propose to think that God would come to earth to die
for our sins? How could I explain the shocking parallels of
Christianity's doctrine with the Pagan myths at the time of
Christianity's rapid spread during the Roman Empire? What about
Christianity's claim that we can live the life we want and still go
to Heaven as long as we believed in Jesus? What could it mean when
Jesus supposedly cried out that his God had forsaken him if Jesus
was claimed to be God incarnate? Who did these passages refer to
when it said that Jesus would send "a Comforter" after him? Who was
the "Spirit of Truth" that was foretold to come after Jesus?
I was crushed by the questions that plagued me so I did the
inevitable. As I sat at work, I prayed that God would show me the
religious path that I should follow. If I was supposed to be a
Muslim would God send me a sign?
Then I grabbed my purse and headed down to my car in the parking
lot. To my astonishment, there was a Muslim woman standing next to
my car while she searched for her keys. Could this be the sign I
prayed for? "Impossible," my mind said, but I decided not to waste
this opportunity so I approached her.
"Miss, may I ask you something? You are Muslim, right?" She seemed
to flinch as she awaited the typical ignorant comment that is so
common among people who, on average, have no knowledge of different
cultures or religions. "Yes, I am," she replied. I asked her if she
attended the masjid I knew of. I told her briefly that Islam seemed
to be the only religion that made sense to me. She insisted that I
go to the masjid on the way home but I claimed that I wanted to
read the Qur'an first.
As I drove home I found myself parked in front of the masjid. I
momentarily thought that this could be another sign but, again, my
mind refused to believe it. I walked up to the door shaking like a
leaf while I told myself to get back in my car and go home as fast
as possible. But instead my legs carried me forward, paying no
attention to the commands of my brain.
As I found my way to the women's section I was met by the most
cheerful face I had ever encountered. This Muslim woman was my age
and an American convert! Not only that, but she and I had the same
name and when we compared our pasts and family life there were
undeniable similarities. Needless to say, I declared my Shahadah
then and there, not knowing that my future husband was in the
masjid that very minute, al-hamdu lillah.
A couple of months after declaring my Shahadah, I felt educated and
firm enough in my religion to finally break the news to my father
and stepmother. My father responded by saying that as a
clear-headed Christian he could tell me that I was making a
mistake. I didn't bother to point out that he doesn't practice his
religion and that his anger at Islam and prejudice against Muslims
are sorely misguided. I just bit my tongue for the sake of
God.
My father didn't contact me again after that, but when I emailed
him a month later to tell him that I had gotten married, he told me
that I was dead to him and not to contact him again. I still email
my stepmother to keep in touch with the family but my brother,
father, and my old friends have severed their contact with
me.
I have spent the following year growing in my new religion, gaining
knowledge from wherever I can, and trying to convey the message
that has brought me such peace and contentment. I am in the process
of learning Arabic and the recitation of the Qur'an, and trying to
become a good Muslim wife.
My life has no resemblance whatsoever to the life that I lived
before. I spend my days studying God's commands, the Prophet's
life, and what is required of me in order to be a good Muslim. As a
Muslim, I find such peace in every day, so much so that even if
Paradise was not the reward for such deeds, I would still be
thankful for the joy that comes with living a life dedicated to
God.
I said in the beginning that the road you travel does not indicate
where you end up, and that life is not merely full of surprises but
can altogether change beyond recognition. Sometimes these changes
can bring trials but often enough the person who survives these
trials is blessed with more than what is ever dreamed possible. In
my case, I was blessed with Islam and not only a better life but
also a hope for the hereafter. God is the Most Generous and the
Most Merciful.
By Nichole Arel
islamreligion.com