O Sister Beware of Fondness

One of the phenomena which have attracted the attention of many people is "the phenomenon of fondness" amongst girls. It is a strange phenomenon that excites attention and bewilders minds and thoughts.

Categories: Muslim Women's Issues -

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

All praise be to Allah and peace and blessings of Allah be upon His Messenger.

Although being limited to those who have been afflicted by such disease, this phenomenon is even more dangerous to the heart than many of other acts of disobedience and sins. Such disease seems like cancer that grows invisibly in a moment of inattention. Whenever becoming strong it appears and produces diseases and troubles that are hard to be treated immediately. This phenomenon is originally a disease case that affects disordered souls or those which are empty from the belief in Allah and the Last Day. It is, in fact, the love to other than Allah, if not the ardent love and passion that are motivated by lust!

What is the phenomenon of fondness? What is its gravity and effects, and how is it to be cured?

What is fondness?

Fondness is: the wrong orientation of some girls towards some other girls with the motivation of love and adoration.

It is a deviant psychological behavior away from the nature which Allah has created in His creation and from His law in His universe. It is faulted by customs and innate dispositions and denounced by wild animals, not to speak about man who is characterized by Allah by mind, vision, knowledge and thinking. {Verily, it is not the eyes that grow blind, but it is the hearts which are in the breasts that grow blind.} [Surat Al-Hajj 22:46]

{...فَإِنَّهَا لَا تَعْمَى ٱلْأَبْصَـٰرُ وَلَـٰكِن تَعْمَى ٱلْقُلُوبُ ٱلَّتِى فِى ٱلصُّدُورِ} الحج: 46

Transliteration: fainnaha lataAAma alabsaru walakin taAAmaalquloobu allatee fee alssudoori

This behavior grows more in women's communities, such as schools, universities, institutes and other. You see a student dote her teacher, not as admiration for her religion and behavior, but as love for herself, her appearance, voice, way of walking and dressing. This, then, generates love for all her behaviors whether they are lawful or unlawful.

If such kind of love occupies hearts, it enfeebles their nature, destroys their walls, rots their homes and makes it on the hands of the beloved. She loves for her love, hates for her hate, joys for her joy and is sad for her sadness. Such love has types, forms, patterns and conditions.

Fondness, in all such conditions, is a disgraced passion and excessive love. It captures the heart of the lover that she always imagines, remembers and thinks about her, that she never forgets her. Here, the self is occupied by psychological thoughts and her powers are interrupted. Such interruption causes lesions for both body and soul that are difficult to be treated and man fails to cure.

Know, my Muslim sister, that the prohibited fondness is the inclination and love of one woman to another that her heart and thought are occupied by her love and passion.

This is one of the worst and most dangerous afflictions for both soul and body by which Allah afflicts only those who drop in His estimation and are away from His gate… They are about to be punished and tortured.

My sister: be careful not to let such odd affliction called "fondness" sneaks into your heart. It is a dangerous affliction and spread evil. It is an affliction that destroys faith in souls, plants doubts, obsessions and sadness, causes grief and deprivation and strengthens the devil's whisperings.

How many victims that have been led to forfeiture by it... that they were devoured as preys to beasts!

How many repentant has gulped from its bitter drink… has tasted from scourge of its punishment… and returned empty handed after wasting her time, exhausting her soul and having a torn heart!

It is as mirage to viewers... It seems as a drink for the thirsty... while it is just nonsense, tiredness, anxieties and lies… they afflict those who are empty from faith… those who are away from the Most Merciful… and close to the Devil.

The Danger of Fondness and its Effects

Know, my Muslim sister, that the affliction of fondness is dangerous if it becomes strong and captures heart and soul. It has bad effects and consequences in the soul, mind, body and the manner of the afflicted that it becomes difficult to be treated.

For the soul: Remember that the affliction of fondness is an act of disobedience and a sin. It mutes the heart and deafens it. It spoils the mood and wounds it… it leaves serious effects on the soul. The woman lover of a woman is immersed in dreams and illusions. She desires an impossible love and wants the unachievable. She stays in its agony at day and night. She complains from her empty heart, little provisions, and her isolation. She may be driven to madness and self-disorder.

For the mind: the mind is enlightened by obedience which is the substance of its light and insight. If a Muslim woman disobeyed her Lord and admires girls' shapes to the point that makes her love them as a woman loves a man, she then extinguishes the light of her mind and stops the causes of sight and insight. She becomes as Allah Almighty has said: {Verily, by your life (O Muhammad), in their wild intoxication, they were wandering blindly.} [Surat: Al-Hijr 15:72]

{لَعَمْرُكَ إِنَّهُمْ لَفِى سَكْرَتِهِمْ يَعْمَهُونَ} الحجر: 72

Transliteration: LaAAamruka innahum lafee sakratihim yaAAmahoona

Ibn Al-Qayyim Al-Jawjiyya, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "clinging to pictures causes mind deterioration, the blindness of the insight and the intoxication of the heart."

If fondness is a cause of the corruption and blindness of thought, lowering the gaze from the forbidden and refraining from prohibited fondness bring on mind clearance. It makes it gain keenness and light.

Whoever observes the conditions of the fond girls finds them the weakest ones in academic achievements, as they are pre-occupied by what attracts minds and thoughts and makes them as if they are lost; they do not understand their interests in studying and others, so they miss the advantage of learning and attaining knowledge. The fondness of some of the girls becomes so grave that they had to drop out studying due to their severe negligence in achieving learning!

For the body: It is known that physical ailments accompany soul ailments. Body comfort cannot be imagined while the soul is sick. So the fond girls, therefore, have weak bodies that make them bedridden.

The severity of body illness from fondness differs according to the intensity of fondness and its outcome of disadvantages and harms.

My sister: where is the pleasure of such looking to the girls' faces beside such sorrows? If there is nothing more for the effects of such blameworthy admiration but the aforementioned, so they are preventive to each Muslim woman who believes in Allah and the Day of Judgment to recover her senses, desists from her sin and occupies her heart with what is profitable for her worldly life and the afterlife.

For the Character of a woman: One of the most dangerous poisons of fondness is that it degrades the woman and drops her in the estimation of all people. She appears as deviated from the good human manners as they see her bad manner and nature and touch her recklessness, carelessness and silliness. In her inebriety of love, she does not care for her reckless actions even with her parents and relatives. She only becomes sober after being pained from the departure of loved ones and the separation of friends. What a pity for this that is afflicted by fondness and tasted such torture. We seek help from Allah.

Remedy of fondness:

There are two important matters to be mentioned before introducing remedy:

The first: the affliction of fondness is rare. It is not, as depicted by some, of a large scale in most girls. It is a deviant manner whose people are just a few. It is, however, lethal.

The second: although it is a difficult affliction, it is but a sin. It, as other acts of disobedience, can be cured by repentance and returning to Allah, for the general meaning of the saying of Allah Almighty: {Say: "O ‘Ibâdî (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allâh: verily, Allâh forgives all sins. Truly He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. } [Surat Az-Zumar 39:53]

{قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِن رَّحْمَةِ اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعاً إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ} الزمر: 53

Transliteration: Qul ya AAibadiya allatheena asrafoo AAala anfusihim la taqnatoo min rahmati Allahi inna Allaha yaghfiru alththunooba jameeAAan innahu huwa alghafooru alrraheemu

His saying [verily, Allâh forgives all sins] includes all sins and among them is fondness. Its remedy, therefore, is by the sincere repentance from the bad thoughts of the heart, the forbidden slipping glances, and the love of figures and from the deviate and suspicious relationships.

Ibn al-Qayyem, may Allah have mercy on him, described the remedy of fondness: "The remedy of such fatal affliction is to know that the cause of such affliction that contradicts monotheism is ignorance and the heedlessness of the heart from Allah. One has to know the monotheism of one's Lord from His tradition and verses first. Then, along with the apparent acts of worship, one has to occupy one's mind away from the continuous thinking about it. One has to return to Allah, Glorified and exalted, and supplicate Him a lot to turn this affliction away, and to make one's heart return to Him. There is no remedy better than sincerity to Allah."

Fondness is evil. It leads to Al-Fawâhish (illegal sexual intercourse). Evil and Al-Fawâhish cannot be turned away but through dedication in repentance and in returning to Allah. Allah Almighty has said about Prophet Yûsuf (Josef), peace be upon him: {Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen (guided) slaves. } [Surat Yûsuf 12:24]

{...كَذَٰلِكَ لِنَصْرِفَ عَنْهُ ٱلسُّوٓءَ وَٱلْفَحْشَآءَ ۚ إِنَّهُۥ مِنْ عِبَادِنَا ٱلْمُخْلَصِينَ} يوسف: 24

Transliteration: kathalika linasrifa AAanhu alssooa waalfahshaa innahu min AAibadina almukhlaseena

It can be treated also by: Purifying love to Allah, Glorified and exalted. Love in Allah only is a fundamental and evidence of belief. Love in any other is a fundamental and evidence of polytheism. Fondness is an affliction that threatens monotheism as it is a love to other than Allah… it is affection against His satisfaction… How many devout girls have admired a non-pious girl that such devout girl has left her godliness for the satisfaction and love of the other girl!

My Muslim Sister: be aware not to let this dangerous affliction and great evil infiltrate to your heart. Whenever dwelling a heart, it destroys it. Whenever dwelling a soul, it fills it with worries, obsessions and illusions. Treatment, therefore, becomes difficult after it has intensified.

Ibn al-Qayyim, may Allah have mercy on him, said: "Passion is an excessive love that occupies the heart of the lover that he (she) always imagines, mentions and thinks about it. It is never away from his (her) thought and mind. Then, the soul is occupied by the psychological thoughts; so such power becomes idle. Such idleness causes afflictions for body and soul that are difficult to be treated, so man is unable to reform them."

Its treatment is not impossible for a Muslim girl. It needs, however, struggling, perseverance and persistence. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, has said: "Allah has never sent down a disease unless sending down a cure for it, it is known to whom who knows it and it is unknown to whom who does not know it, except for death" [Authenticated by Al-Albani]

«إن الله تعالى لم ينزل داء إلا أنزل له دواء، علمه من علمه، و جهله من جهله، إلا السام، و هو الموت» صححه الألباني

Following are some of the most important steps to cure this disease:

1- Giving up all hopes of being fond of the beloved:

If the afflicted girl gives up all hopes of continuing her behaviors, inclination and affection of her beloved, she will be encouraged to uproot this disease from herself. Giving up all hopes can be achieved by conceiving the impossibility of the attachment of two persons of the same sex. This is deviant to behavior and contrary to the innate nature. Allah, Glorified and Exalted, has not permitted that. This is in addition to perceiving the tangible and physical diseases it causes to the soul and body and the humiliation and contempt from people and society.

2- Insisting in invoking Allah Almighty:

This is one of the greatest reasons to stop this disease. Allah Glorified and Exalted, has the power over everything. The hearts of His servants are between two of His Fingers, He turns them according to His Will.

The invocation of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, used to be: "O Controller of the hearts keep my heart firm on Your religion." [Narrated by At-Tirmidhi and authenticated by Al-Albani]

«يا مقلب القلوب ثبت قلبي على دينك» رواه الترمذي وصححه الألباني

This who is afflicted by such dangerous disease has to entreat Allah Glorified and Exalted, in the good time of answering praying. She has to persist in her praying to Allah to save her from thoughts and obsessions and to turn her back to her nature. In the tradition of the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, he has said: "The Most Unable person is the one who is unable to pray" [Authenticated by Al-Albani]

«أعجز الناس من عجز عن الدعاء» صححه الألباني

3- Adhering to Repentance and Asking for Forgiveness

Repentance nullifies the previous (sins). If you, my Muslim sister, approach to Allah in humility and humbleness, cry for the sins your have committed and asked the Helper Almighty to forgive your sins and save you from trials, He Glorified and Exalted, will accept your repentance and forgive your sins. Allah Almighty has said: {And He it is Who accepts repentance from His slaves,} [Surat Ash-Shûra 42:25].

{وَهُوَ الَّذِي يَقْبَلُ التَّوْبَةَ عَنْ عِبَادِهِ...} الشورى: 25

Transliteration: Wahuwa allathee yaqbalu alttawbata AAan AAibadihi

He has also said: {Say: "O ‘Ibâdî (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allâh: verily, Allâh forgives all sins. Truly He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. } [Surat Az-Zumar 39:53]

Transliteration: Qul ya AAibadiya allatheena asrafoo AAala anfusihim la taqnatoo min rahmati Allahi inna Allaha yaghfiru alththunooba jameeAAan innahu huwa alghafooru alrraheemu

The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, has said: "Allah accepts the repentance of the servant as long as he is not in his stupor" [Declared Hasan (good) by At-Tirmidhi]

«إن الله يقبل توبة العبد ما لم يغرغر» حسنه الترمذي

4- Ending the relationship with whom you love

This includes ending all the reasons that leads to the beloved such as leaving the place where the beloved exists. If the eyes see their beloved, the sleeping heart wakes up and the disease affects the soul and heart again. If this is not possible, so do your best. In addition, you have to insist on praying to Allah, stick to repenting and asking for forgiveness, empty the heart from humors, thoughts obsessions and illusions and let it hang to Allah Almighty, approach to the Hereafter; and keep your heart always busy with celebrating Allah's praises, especially the remembrances of day and night. They have great effect in refuting the illusions and delusions of Satan and evils in general.

5- Occupying leisure time

Leisure is a reason of a lot of deadly perils and a way for great evils, especially for the youth.

If a Muslim sister is afflicted by fondness; and that there is nothing useful to occupy her or at least to alleviate the burden she is in, her illness and madness of fondness will increase. The inflaming thoughts and obsessions reach the heart of the fond in her leisure moments.

Occupying the leisure time, therefore, is an important cure to eradicate fondness.

6- The sublimity of determination

To raise determination, a Muslim sister has to look to her ancestors and read the history of the women who have made the history of the nation in the past by their great offers and acts of heroism to this religion in all fields. They were far away from trivial matters and low ethics. They were busy with worshipping, devoting their lives to Allah, noble ethics and useful sciences till they have become scholars of religion, they have become the educators who raised the best heroes and army leaders by whose hands many countries have been conquered.

Therefore, you have, my Muslim sister, to be far above what hinders your ambition, lowers your determination, discourages your intention and destroys your hopes. Make the Mothers of believers and the best followers as leaders and a light for your life. Reading their biographies encourages in following their tracks and to be guided by their guidance.

Peace and blessings of Allah be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon his family and companions.

Prepared by the scientific division in Ibn Khuzayma house