Rights of the Husband over his Wife
Hani Helmi
Today, we will learn how to make Allah The Almighty pleased with us, taste the sweetness of Iman (faith), get the greatest reward, and get the Gardens of Al-Firdaws Al-A'la through knowing the rights of your husband so that you may fulfill them.
- Categories: Marriage and Family Relations -
Dear sister!
Today, we will learn how to make Allah The Almighty pleased with us, taste the sweetness of Iman (faith), get the greatest reward, and get the Gardens of Al-Firdaws Al-A’la through knowing the rights of your husband so that you may fulfill them.
1. Obedience and dutifulness to him. This means that she should fulfill all of his needs and desires as long as they are permissible and done in reasonable manner. She should not obey him if he ordered her to do something sinful for it was narrated on the authority of ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Messenger of Allah, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, said: “No obedience in what is sinful. Obedience is only in what is right.” [Agreed upon].
«لا طاعة في معصية إنما الطاعة في المعروف» متفق عليه
On the other hand, the husband should pay much attention and care to his wife and never burden her with what is beyond her scope. He should also observe her physical and physiological conditions and never be harsh or stiff in asking her to do something.
She should also beware of disobeying him for it was narrated on the authority of ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with them, that the Messenger of Allah, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, said: “There are two individuals whose prayer does not rise above their heads; a slave running away from his masters – until he returns to them, and a woman who disobeys her husband – until she returns (to obedience).” [Reported by Al-Albani, Authentic].
«اثنان لا تجاوز صلاتهما رؤوسهما عبد أبق من مواليه حتى يرجع وامرأة عصت زوجها حتى ترجع» الراوي: عبدالله بن عمر، المحدث: الألباني، صحيح
Accordingly, the wife should not disobey her husband even if she has a good religious justification such as dutifulness to her parents. Actually, He is the one who will bear the burden of sin if he prevents her from being dutiful to her parents.
Amongst the forms of obeying him are: She should not observe fasting except with his permission and never allow anyone to enter his house except with his permission for it was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Messenger of Allah, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, said: “It is not permissible for a woman to fast (supererogatory fasts) without the permission of her husband when he is at home; and she should not allow anyone to enter his house except with his permission” [Reported by Al-Bukhari, Authentic].
«لا يحل للمرأة أن تصوم وزوجها شاهد إلا بإذنه ولا تأذن في بيته إلا بإذنه...» الراوي: أبو هريرة، المحدث: البخاري، صحيح
However, if he is absent or traveling, then the cause of preventing her from fasting does not exist any longer (i.e. she is permitted to observing fasts then).
2. Serving him. There is no disagreement among scholars that a woman should serve her husband in the house. It is really a well-established custom. Also, it is a recommendable act which the Prophet, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, has approved. The honorable Mothers of the Believers, may Allah be pleased with them, used to take care of the housework as well as the honorable wives of the companions, may Allah be pleased with them.
In fact, you (every female figure) have in Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, the best example. It is best to leave Imam ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, describe her (i.e. describe how she goes about in looking after her house): She was the daughter of the Messenger of Allah, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, and the most honorable member of his family to him. She was my wife. In fact, she turned the quern until she injured her hand, and carried the water skin until she hurt her back, and she swept the house until her clothes were filled with dust, and she lit the fire under the cooking pot until her clothes were black and she herself was hurt.
You should seek and expect your reward from Allah The Almighty. You should also not forget that you will be reward for every good action you do for him in much the same way as he will be rewarded for every penny he spends on you, and that everything you are doing is for the pleasure of Allah Exalted and Glorified be He.
3. Looking after and caring for him fully. This means to prefer him to all other people and look after his appearance as the Mothers of the Believers used to do with the Prophet, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him. It was narrated that A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said: “I perfumed the Messenger of Allah, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, with my own hands before finishing his Ihraam (Ritual state of consecration for performing Hajj or ‘Umrah) while yet he has not performed Tawaaf-al-Ifaadah (departure of pilgrims from ‘Arafat to Mina after completing their rituals in ‘Arafaat). She spread her hands (while saying so.)” [Reported by Al-Bukhari, Authentic].
«طيبت رسول الله -صلى الله عليه وسلم- بيدي هاتين، حين أحرم، ولحله حين أحل، قبل أن يطوف، وبسطت يديها» الراوي: عائشة، المحدث: البخاري، صحيح
4. Being very grateful to your husband and avoid being ungrateful to him. It was narrated that the Messenger of Allah, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, said: “Allah The Almighty does not look (with mercy) at a woman who is not grateful to her husband when she cannot live without him.” [Reported by Al-Albani, Authentic].
«لا ينظر الله -تبارك وتعالى- إلى امرأة لا تشكر لزوجها وهي لا تستغني عنه» المحدث: الألباني، صحيح
Consequently, the wife who does not show thanks to her husband, Allah The Almighty will curse her and will not look at her.
So you should be content with and grateful to your husband, for all what he does for you, according to what Allah The Almighty has decreed for him.
You have to know that ungratefulness is one of the most serious causes that make women deserves to be thrown in Hellfire. It was reported on the authority of ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Abbas, may Allah be pleased with them, that the Messenger of Allah, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, said when he told about looking at the Hellfire: “I saw that most of the inhabitants were women.” The people asked, “O Messenger of Allah! Why is it so?” He, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, replied, “Because of their ungratefulness.” It was asked whether they are ungrateful to Allah The Almighty. He, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, said, “They are ungrateful to their companions of life (husbands) and ungrateful to good deeds. If you are benevolent to one of them throughout the life and if she sees anything (undesirable) in you, she will say, ‘I have never had any good from you.’” [Reported by Al-Bukhari, Authentic].
«ورأيت أكثر أهلها النساء، قالوا: بم يا رسول الله؟، قال: بكفرهن، قيل: يكفرن بالله؟، قال: يكفرن العشير ويكفرن الإحسان لو أحسنت إلى أحداهن الدهر كله ثم رأت منك شيئا قالت ما رأيت منك خيرا قط» الراوي: عبدالله بن عباس، المحدث: البخاري، صحيح
5. Feeling content with the husband. This means that you have to feel satisfied with what Allah The Almighty has decreed for you and never compare him to others for humans really are full of defects and shortcomings and no one has the best perfect descriptions among humans. So you have to turn a blind eye to his negative attributes as long as it is not related to or undermine his religion. You, moreover, should think about his positive attributes so that your heart may be pleased with him.
6. Do not open the doors of worldly requests against him. This means that one shouldn’t burden her husband with requests in order not to be a reason behind falling in the trap of the temptations of money, even if the conditions of her husband have changed i.e. he became poor after he was rich or he became sick after he was healthy, she should observe patience and feel contented with the decree of Allah, Exalted and Glorified be He.
Beware of being enslaved by the vanities of the worldly life for it was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Messenger of Allah, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, said: “Doomed is the slave of the dinar, doomed is the slave of the dirham, doomed is the slave of fine cloth and doomed is the slave of velvet. If he is given something he is pleased and if he is denied, he is angry. Doomed is he! If he is pierced by a thorn, may he never be able to remove it.” [Reported by Al-Albani, Authentic].
«تعس عبد الدينار وعبد الدرهم وعبد الخميصة إن أعطي رضي وإن لم يعط سخط تعس وانتكس وإذا شيك فلا انتقش» الراوي: أبو هريرة، المحدث: الألباني، صحيح
7. Safeguarding his possessions. This means that she should handle his money in the best way and never spend it lavishly for it was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurairah that the Messenger of Allah, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, said: “The best women who mounted camels the righteous among the women of Quraish. They are the kindest women to their children in their childhood and the more careful women of the property of their husbands.” [Agreed upon].
«خير نساء ركبن الإبل صالح نساء قريش أحناه على ولد في صغره وأرعاه على زوج في ذات يده» متفق عليه
8. Adornment for the Husband. The righteous wise woman is the one who is keen on adorn herself for her husband in the best way and with what can pleases him. She may wear the best clothes within the limits he can afford. It was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurairah that the Messenger of Allah, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him was asked “Who is the best of women?” whereupon he (prayers and peace of Allah be upon him) answered: “The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves.” [Reported by Al-Albani with a good chain of transmission].
«خير النساء التي تسره إذا نظر، وتطيعه إذا أمر، ولا تخالفه في نفسها ولا مالها بما يكره» الراوي: أبو هريرة، المحدث: الألباني، إسناده حسن
9. Welcoming the husband warmly and biding him farewell affectionately. This means that she should be keen on being the first one to welcome and greet him happily and with a beautiful smile when he comes back home. Also, she should do the same whenever he goes out, bid him a fond farewell with an affectionate smile and pray for his success.
10. Listening to him attentively. The Husband needs a warm heart to which he can refuge and to someone who can listen to his problems. So the wife should listen to him and warm his chest with the words that can calm and keep him peaceful.
Actually, there some etiquettes of dialogue that should be observed so that the dialogue may be beneficial.
So the wife should listen attentively to her husband and pay much attention to his speech. As it hurts her if he comes back from his work and goes to sleep directly, it also hurts him if she is heedless to his speech.
Do not interrupt him and wait until your husband finishes his conversation. Just let him open his heart and reveal his feelings to you.
Do not issue judgments while you are listening to him. You should be responsible for your own words and when you want to express your opinion, so do it but avoid enjoining and giving orders to him.
Try to use the constructive request style during dialogue. This can be done by using some words like I think, I hope and so on. However, the imperative style really hurts him.
11. Avoid engaging in the matters that are related to men. This means that you should not sow the seeds of differences and disagreements between him and his relatives and brothers for if he becomes undutiful to his relatives, surely you bear the burden sin of that.
12. Do not disclose his secrets. Wife should keep the secrets of her husband, for disclosing them hurts him badly for if he did not find safety and peace with his wife, where could he find them then?
13. Seeking the convenient time to ask for your needs. This means that the pious wife seek the most appropriate time to ask for her needs or speaking in the important matters.
14. Showing respect and looking after his family. This means that one should help her husband to be dutiful to his parents and relatives. She, moreover, should enhance her relationship with his mother in particular for she really has suffered a lot in raising him up and has a great right over him. She also should be keen on visiting his female relatives and being kind with them.
Moreover, you should avoid being a reason for creating problems between him and his relatives and do not interfere between them especially if some problems already exist. It was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Messenger of Allah, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, said: “The most beloved among you to me is those who are best in attitude and humble, who get along with others and others get along with them, and the most hateful among you to me are those who commit Namimah (tale-bearing), make trouble between the loved ones, and accuse people of vices they are innocent of.” [Reported by Al-Albani, Good by the virtue of another hadith].
«إن أحبكم إلي أحاسنكم أخلاقا، الموطؤون أكنافا، الذين يألفون ويؤلفون، وإن أبغضكم إلي المشاؤون بالنميمة، المفرقون بين الأحبة، الملتمسون للبرآء العيب» الراوي: أبو هريرة، المحدث: الألباني، حسن لغيره
Actually, this is the difficult test for every married and unmarried sister. They should know such rights of the husband well.
Beware of disobeying and annoying your husband for it was narrated on the authority of Mu’adh Ibn Jabal that the Prophet, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, said: “No woman offends her husband in this world but his wife among the Hoor Al-’iyn (maidens of paradise) says, ‘Do not offend him, may Allah kill you, for he is only with you for a short time and soon he will leave you and come to us.” [Al-Albani deemed it Authentic].
«لا تؤذي امرأة زوجها في الدنيا إلا قالت زوجته من الحور العين: لا تؤذيه قاتلكِ الله فإنما هو عندكِ دخيل يوشك أن يفارقكِ إلينا» الراوي: معاذ بن جبل، المحدث: الألباني، صحيح
Lesson [Hata Tarda (To please you)] given by Sheykh: Hani Helmi, Manhaj website.