Being Good to your Parents

Since 2002-01-15
In today's rapid-paced life, we often tend to get so busy that we forget our parents' rights.  Family values have significantly dropped in our lives, and our friends often become more important to us than our own relatives. What better can emphasize the good treatment of our parents than the following verse from the Qur'an (interpretation of the meaning) {And your Lord has commanded that you shall not serve (any) but Him, and goodness to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say not to them (so much as) "Ugh" nor rebuke them, and speak to them in honorable terms} [Qur'an Al-Israa 17:23]. There are two noteworthy conclusions that may be noticed from this verse. First, Allah the Exalted has called for good treatment of parents immediately after ordering us to worship Him.  This proves the importance of being kind to our parents and the elevated status in which Allah (SWT) has placed parents in our lives.  Second, He has ordered us not to utter even the least of inappropriate comments to them; thus it is very surprising that some people yell at their parents or even tell them to shut up.

Furthermore, when Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) was asked which deed was the best, he replied: "The prayer at its appointed hour". He was asked: "Then what?", to which he replied: "Kindness to the parents". Again he was asked: "Then what?". He replied: "Earnest struggle (Jihad) in the cause of Allah [Muslim]."

Whether or not you live with your parents, or if both of them are still alive, here are some tips to a good relationship with them:

If you live with your parents

Bring something home every now and then. For example, buy them a gift or a cake whenever you receive your paycheck.

Make sure to spend time with them every day, whether it be for reciting Qur'an or reading hadiths together, conducting household chores, or just plain friendly talk.

Take them out.  My mother is extremely happy when I go out for a walk with her.

Obeying whatever they ask you to do, as long as it complies with Islam.

If you don't live with your parents

Visit them regularly -- say once a week or every two weeks. 

If you are unable to visit them often because you live far away for example, then do the next best thing and call them frequently.  Also, you may send them letters, and don't forget greeting cards on Islamic occasions (Ramadan, Eid, etc.)

If one or both of your parents have passed away

In the authentic hadith, a man came to the Prophet (may peace be upon him) and asked him whether he can do any good for his parents after they passed away.  The Prophet (may peace be upon him) told him to do the following:

·        Supplication and istighfar for them,

·        Executing their will,

·        Connecting with relatives that are likely to be cut with the parents' death, and

·      Honoring their friends

In another hadith, the Prophet (may peace be upon him) also taught us that among the good deeds that benefit one who has passed away is a 'righteous son that supplicates for him/her.'

Difficulties with parents

Reverts to Islam often tend to face difficulties with their non-Muslim parents.  Likewise, Muslims who take up new acts of worship (such as growing a beard or wearing niqab) might get into unpleasant situations with them.  Although one should not abandon such acts of worship in order to obey one's parents, one should still retain a good relationship with both parents and treat them kindly. Allah the Exalted has ordered us to obey our parents even if they are non-Muslims - but, once again, as long as what they ask complies with Islam. Conditions such as this require a good deal of patience and can be considered opportunities to show your parents that your newly-found beliefs have actually made you better and closer to them.

 

Finally, I would like to close with the supplication of prophet Ibrahim (may peace be upon him) as in the Qur'an (interpretation of the meaning) {My Lord! Make me keep up prayer and from my offspring (too), O our Lord, and accept my prayer: O our Lord! grant me protection and my parents and the believers on the day when the reckoning shall come to pass} [Ibrahim 14:40-41]

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