A cry of a young woman
This is a painful message written by a believer Muslim young woman who has tasted grief, pain and torture from her non-conscientious, insensible father.
- Categories: Muslim Women's Issues - Touching Stories -
It is enough to say all praise and thanks be to Allah. Prayers and peace of Allah be upon the chosen Prophet; the accepted Messenger and upon all his family and companions.
This is a painful message written by a believer Muslim young woman who has tasted grief, pain and torture from her non-conscientious, insensible father. It is a warning cry in the ears of every Muslim father who fears Allah Almighty regarding his family and those whom He Almighty makes him as responsible for. He is responsible for them before the Lord of the ‘Alamîn (mankind, jinn and all that exists) on a day in which one wishes for a good deed without finding one even with the nearest people for him.
As an advice, I mention this message which was addressed to one of the Imams, so it may find a listening ear that can answer the call of many Muslim young women who cannot find a solution or a way out.
The message says:
Your Eminence Sheikh… may Allah protect you and guide you to the right way.
Assalâmu alaikum wa rahmat-u-allah wa barakâtuh,
I heard your lecture: “A Message from the Poor”. That message was written by the zealous Muslim sister, rather by the conquered sister by the injustice and tyranny of her father. The lecture moved my sorrows that have not been calmed down, my wounds that have never been cured and my grueling killing grief. I grabbed my pen; its ink is the blood of a torn heart and the tears of my crying eyes. It seems as if there are glimpse of hope appearing for me from afar. Otherwise, I swear by Allah, by Allah and again by Allah Who there is no god but Him that I have despaired of everything; from the religious, the imams, the pious, the righteous and the chivalric. I have despaired but from the mercy of Allah Almighty which is the only thing that consoles me. I am very confident of and believing in the mercy of Allah, {Surely, Allâh’s Mercy is (ever) near unto the good-doers.} [Surat Al-A’raf 9:56]
{إِنَّ رَحْمَتَ اللَّـهِ قَرِيبٌ مِّنَ الْمُحْسِنِينَ} الأعراف: 59
Transliteration: inna rahmata Allahi qareebun mina almuhsineena
My kind sheikh, I have lived in a tragedy; I am still living such a tragedy. I ask Allah the One, the Unique, As-Samad (Allah The Self-Sufficient Master, Whom all creatures need, (He neither eats nor drinks)) to remove His torment, if this is a torment from Allah. I ask Him to strengthen my heart if this is a trial and to mercy my humbleness and poverty, He is the All Hearing and the Accepter of invocation.
O noble Imam:
Following are my tragedy and my dark and black days.
Following are the injustice and subjugation in which I live.
Following is my suffering and my Muslim sisters. Though each one of us has her own experience, they are all the same. We are husbandless. We have no children. We live without hearts. We are skeletons that have been killed by pain and grief. I will elaborate though your time is precious. But please be patient as I have borne burdens that are greater than this unbearable message.
I work as a teacher. By the end of each month my father opens his hands and says, “Pay the jiziah of your filiation and Islam. You and your property (money, belongings, etc.) are for your father”.
My father knew since I have been still a student that my returns will pour unto him. Whenever a suitor knocks at my door he says, “Not yet.”
Many benevolent persons have tried to convince him, but he has not been convinced. Each suitor goes his way after my father says to him, “She does not want you, and she does not accept you”. This is the answer of the father. Those who are more patient than such suitor and can be patient and come again and again will achieve the warm praise as my father says to him, “The girl is quick-tempered and she is not pretty”.
As I am young and want to get married and get a family and a happy quiet home, as the way Allah has created us, and I want a child who grants motherhood to me; who can overwhelm all my feelings, I ask the uncles and grandfathers to be mediators. Uncles, however, are afraid. There is no power and no strength except in Allah. Grandfathers are replied to by an answer that silences their tongues. My father says to them: “Am I to purchase a husband for her?”
They do not know that dozens of suitors have proposed to me; then my father says, “No one wants her”, while he wants my salary, allowance and income.
She says then:
A young woman in the prime of her youth with neither a brother nor a mother; they all have escaped from the house of my father because of his bad treatment to my brothers. I have stepmothers who are like the women who beat only by torsion tools.
The life of such a young woman is wasted. Her youth is murdered. Even her money and the sustenance from Allah are eaten, then what?
I am in a Muslim country.
We have scholars and imams.
Where are those from such suffering?
I spoke to my father. I implored him. Eventually I threatened him that if he does not let me get married … then what was his reply?
I have inclined to be observant. I have fought myself and strived against the impure evil desires and lusts as well as the devil. Allah has helped me to overcome many acts of disobedience.
I have triumphed over listening to songs. I have observed performing the optional prayers. I have triumphed over the biggest things that Allah knows and Allah will preserve that for me.
Finally, one of my uncles brought a man from his acquaintances and my father made me marry him. I was compelled into this marriage because this man does not fear Allah.
My father, however, does not stop spitting out his venom around me.
He says, “Do not give your salary to your husband and give it to me…”
She says:
And the husband, may Allah guide him, has a lot of deficits and weaknesses in religion that Allah knows about.
I started trying with him, so that Allah may guide him. We quarreled, especially at the time of the congregational prayers.
Furthermore, He travels abroad and commits great sins.
The wise husband went to the merciful and kind father to complain to him against me, so mishaps happened. My father then says to him, “This is her nature. She is impudent and saucy. Bring her to me so I will bring her up. Her mother did not bring her up!!”
She said:
I am patient with the husband and calls him for guidance. I bear his beating and misery, because if he returns me to my father’s, things will be worse.
She said:
Those who are with him from his family and bad companions fill his head.
However, if I leave my husband, what can I do? To whom can I go?
Eventually, after my husband was like purified honey with respect to what could happen to me - otherwise he would be like the Zaqqum (a horrible tree in Hell); he has become like murky oil that boils within bellies, like the boiling of scalding water. He now hates me. He commits sins to anger me. He tries to make me waste the religion I have so that I would leave him and run away. If I say to him, “Fear Allah” he replies, “If you accept that, or else you can file for divorce”.
She says: I asked him to divorce me. He replied: return back the dowry, though there is no dowry for him with me. He took away my youth, juvenility, house, morals and life away.
He made me stay late at night and disturbed me. I collected money from here and borrowed from there and returned the dowry back to him. May Allah not prevent him from the embers of the Hellfire.
Which dowry he is asking for, and which right does he have after such long days of grief and anguish?!
She says:
I took my cloths and ran away to my father’s house. My father launched a fierce and violent war with no indulgence. He discredited me. He threatened me with murder, dishonor and disgrace. I said Allah Alone is Sufficient for me, and He is the best Disposer of affairs.
Now every Tom, Dick and Harry proposes to marry me. I am to get married to a drunk and corrupt or to an old man who is eighty or seventy years old!!
By Allah, which justice is this?
Which Islam is this?
Which human mercy is this?
I complained to Allah. I cried after prayers and raised my invocations.
Is there a merciful person who can save me from this tragic situation in which I live?
If a man comes to my father, he curses and discredits me. If the man is not convinced of such words, he gives to him the decisive evidence and says, “She is not suitable. A man tried her before and she spoiled his house”.
Do I spoil the houses?
Yes. He will destroy my future. I have been destroyed. I disobeyed and said, no to humiliation and no to the slavery to the creatures.
I escaped a divorcee to my mother; she too is a divorcee. I refused to give him my salary. He got crazy. He went to complain against me to the educational administration. I swear by Allah, then by Allah, and again by Allah the educational administrator in my district spoke to me. He said, “Your father has come and threatened doom and gloom. He has asked me to fire you”. The administrator said to him, “this is beyond our jurisdiction”. My father said, “I will go to those higher than you; to Riyadh”. They said, “Know that if he goes there, he will achieve his desire”. If he succeeds in getting me fired, I will not find an income by which I can live, help my mother and brothers and refrain myself from people’s favors and days’ adversities.
She says then:
What say you, O noble sheikh?
What is your opinion? If I get married to a corrupt man like the previous one, I will lose my religion, my life and afterlife. If I get married to an old man, so what is this religion which allows a twenty five year old woman to get married to a man who is seventy years old?!
What can I do?
What is my guilt?
What is my mistake?!
Yes, my noble sheikh, Allah knows and He is our witness that we love the imams, the sheikhs, the scholars and the judges. But, what is their attitude towards such unjust and guilty fathers?
She says:
But, when one of us observes her religion and walks on the way of guidance, she finds great pressures. She cannot find the religious husband or even dream about him.
If I get married to a corrupt man, then who will raise my children? Who will be the example for me?
Who will return to me my Hereafter which is the greatest thing for me? How will the society be?
Lost and corrupt youth…
By Allah, tell me where is the godly young man who proposes to a young woman, and that her father refuses as he covets for her salary; which is frequently happening to female employees, or he covets for a dowry to trade in; or she gets married to an old man or to a dissolute who deserts prayers, commits bad deeds and uses drugs.
She says:
Where can we go?
Shall we go to a sheikh, a judge or a chief justice and ask him to let the young women in the houses get married?
No, those young men will leave such a matter completely.
And you ask the young woman not to refuse the proposal of the religious suitor. But the fathers are the problem.
There is no godly woman who fears Allah and hopes for His Promise but that she will accept the religious young man who proposes to her.
In addition, there are godly young women.
By Allah, in the single house there are about six or seven young women who are between fifteen and thirty five years old and waiting for a godly man.
You -O noble sheikh- said that there are young men who do not find a dowry to marry due to the high cost of dowries. Where are such dowries you are speaking about? We need husbands with a silver ring, a simple dowry.
She then says:
I need one of them and I will give him the dowry, in case that you receive my message before I get buried in my house, such miserable house, sad house in which I live such suffering.
My brothers want me to get married. To whom I get married? Because they do not fear Allah, they do not want those who fear Allah. They want evildoers.
She says then:
Those godly, pure and chaste young women are waiting for the Righteous slaves of Allah; who are yearning for motherhood. They are waiting for them.
Where are they? Where is this righteous young man who will come to my father, pretends to be deaf about what he says, closes his eyes from what my father exposes to him, injuring my feelings and then says, “To his house with open arms!!”?
I am ready to build an Islamic house on the piety and fear from Allah and seeking His pleasure. I will prepare food and offer repose. I will raise my children and work to teach my sons and daughters the Quran and Sunnah. I want to be a righteous slave girl of Allah.
She says:
These are my tears I have written them down to you.
I complain not but to Allah. My complaints are to Allah Almighty alone. I entrust my affair to Allah.
But please be informed you and my beloved sheikhs, imams and judges for the sake of Allah, may Allah save them and show them the right way:
Yes, I have revealed my voice that it could not cry again. This is the trust that I have declared for you to know. I burden you with it to meet Allah with it on the Day of Resurrection. You have known our case, our position and our calamities.
What are you doing concerning them?
Where is the Islamic solution?
Where is the rescue of women?
When the female companions, may Allah be pleased with them all, complained they found the refuge, after Allah Glorified and Exalted, at the inerrant Prophet, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him. He, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, used to solve their problems, so who can solve ours?
She says:
By Allah, O sheikh, I sometimes fear to become infidel by uttering a word unintentionally due to subjugation or by an obsession that may be in my mind due to my suffering.
Then she says at the end of the message:
This is a trust which I burden you with. I have written with a lot of others than myself. Here we are crying, complaining. Allah is the One sought for help. Do not forget us from your prayers.
I ask Allah Almighty to relieve our anguish.
Then, O brothers and sisters, you have read this painful message that hurts the heart of every Muslim who believes in Allah.
From such catastrophic message, I call the fathers by the name of Islam which they adopt as their religion to fear Allah concerning the girls whom they are responsible for. They should hurry in giving them away in marriage to the pious and righteous young men before it is too late. They should never marry them to those who do not fear Allah and who know neither religion nor ethics.
I ask this unjust father and those who are like him to sincerely repent to Allah; lest a soul should say: { Lest a person should say: "Alas, my grief that I was undutiful to Allah (i.e. I have not done what Allah has ordered me to do), and I was indeed among those who mocked [at the truth! i.e. La ilaha ill-Allah (none has the right to be worshipped but Allah), the Quran, and Muhammad SAW and at the faithful believers, etc.] (56) Or (lest) he should say: "If only Allah had guided me, I should indeed have been among the Muttaqun (pious and righteous persons - see V. 2:2)." (57) Or (lest) he should say when he sees the torment: "If only I had another chance (to return to the world) then I should indeed be among the Muhsinun (good-doers)} [Az-Zumur 39:56-58]
{أَن تَقُولَ نَفْسٌ يَا حَسْرَتَىٰ عَلَىٰ مَا فَرَّطتُ فِي جَنبِ اللَّـهِ وَإِن كُنتُ لَمِنَ السَّاخِرِينَ ﴿٥٦﴾ أَوْ تَقُولَ لَوْ أَنَّ اللَّـهَ هَدَانِي لَكُنتُ مِنَ الْمُتَّقِينَ ﴿٥٧﴾ أَوْ تَقُولَ حِينَ تَرَى الْعَذَابَ لَوْ أَنَّ لِي كَرَّةً فَأَكُونَ مِنَ الْمُحْسِنِينَ} الزمر: 56-58
Transliteration:An taqoola nafsun ya hasrata AAala ma farrattu fee janbi Allahi wain kuntu lamina alssakhireena (56) Aw taqoola law anna Allaha hadanee lakuntu mina almuttaqeena (57) Aw taqoola heena tara alAAathaba law anna lee karratan faakoona mina almuhsineena
I ask them to give the convent to resume an Islamic life with Islam as its backbone, the truth as is its leader and the pleasure of Allah Glorified and Exalted is its aim; so that on the Day of Resurrection they would be in a seat of truth (i.e. Paradise), near the Omnipotent King (Allâh, the One, the All-Blessed, the Most High, the Owner of Majesty and Honor). Then they will be in the company of those on whom Allâh has bestowed His Grace, of the Prophets, the Siddiqûn (those followers of the Prophets who were first and foremost to believe in them, like Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (may Allah be pleased with him), the martyrs, and the righteous. And how excellent these companions are!
Allah Almighty says the truth, {And those who, when they have committed Fâhishah (illegal sexual intercourse) or wronged themselves with evil, remember Allâh and ask forgiveness for their sins; - and none can forgive sins but Allâh - and do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know. (135) For such, the reward is Forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens with rivers flowing underneath (Paradise), wherein they shall abide forever. How excellent is this reward for the doers (who do righteous deeds according to Allâh’s Orders).} [Surat Al-‘Imrân 3:135-136]
{وَالَّذِينَ إِذَا فَعَلُوا فَاحِشَةً أَوْ ظَلَمُوا أَنفُسَهُمْ ذَكَرُوا اللَّـهَ فَاسْتَغْفَرُوا لِذُنُوبِهِمْ وَمَن يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ إِلَّا اللَّـهُ وَلَمْ يُصِرُّوا عَلَىٰ مَا فَعَلُوا وَهُمْ يَعْلَمُونَ ﴿١٣٥﴾ أُولَـٰئِكَ جَزَاؤُهُم مَّغْفِرَةٌ مِّن رَّبِّهِمْ وَجَنَّاتٌ تَجْرِي مِن تَحْتِهَا الْأَنْهَارُ خَالِدِينَ فِيهَا ۚ وَنِعْمَ أَجْرُ الْعَامِلِينَ} آل عمران: 135-136
Transliteration: Waallatheena ithafaAAaloo fahishatan aw thalamoo anfusahum thakaroo Allaha faistaghfaroo lithunoobihim waman yaghfiru alththunooba illa Allahu walam yusirroo AAala mafaAAaloo wahum yaAAlamoona (135) Olaika jazaohum maghfiratun min rabbihim wajannatun tajree min tahtihaalanharu khalideena feeha waniAAma ajru alAAamileena
As you have neglected in having the responsibility and trust, so you should know that Allah Almighty will ask you about your negligence on The Day whereon neither wealth nor sons will avail, except him who brings to Allah a clean heart.
Listen to what Allah Almighty, the Lord of Might has said as an alert to the negligent heedless guardians, {O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allâh, but do that which they are commanded.} [Surat At-Tahrîm 66:6]
{يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَائِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَّا يَعْصُونَ اللَّـهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ} التحريم: 6
Transliteration: Ya ayyuha allatheena amanoo qoo anfusakum waahleekum naran waqooduha alnnasu waalhijaratu AAalayha malaikatun ghilathun shidadun la yaAAsoona Allaha ma amarahum wayafAAaloona ma yumaroona
Listen to what the inerrant Prophet, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, has said, “Allah will ask each guardian about those whom He asked him to guard, whether he kept or lost that, that He will ask each man about his family.” [Authenticated by Al-Albani]
«إن الله سائل كل راع عما استرعاه، حفظ أم ضيع، حتى يسأل الرجل عن أهل بيته» صححه الألباني
If you respond to that, so rejoice with the glad tidings – Allah willing. It is narrated that the Prophet, prayers and peace of Allah be upon him, has said, “Whoever has three daughters or sisters or two daughters or sisters, and he treats them well and fears Allah with regard to them, he will enter Paradise.” [Al-Albani, authentic due to other narrations]
«من كان له ثلاث بنات أو ثلاث أخوات، أو بنتان، أو أختان، فأحسن صحبتهن واتقى الله فيهن؛ فله الجنة» الألباني، صحيح لغيره
I am fully optimistic that you, O fathers and guardians will open your hearts to guidance, your souls to the lessons and your minds to the truth. I am optimistic that you will answer Allah (by obeying Him) and (His) Messenger when he calls you to that which will give you life.
Prayers and peace of Allah be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his family and companions. The last of our invocation is all praise and thanks be to Allah the Lord of the ‘Alamîn (mankind, jinn and all that exists).
Abdul Hamid ibn Abdul Rahman Suhaibani
21/10/1413 in Hijri year.
Ibn Khuzaymah House for publication and distribution