Here are 11 pieces of advice to help you in winning others hearts.
My pieces of advice are like arrows that aim at shooting hearts as
its only target. I mean here, to be the virtuous merits, that
captivate others hearts and help in overcoming imperfections.
Actually, such merits have their own effective power in charming
O you who is in love with Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) and your
brothers in Islam, here are the arrows; be careful with them, try
hard to be a clever shooter.
And pray to Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) to help you.
It is the first arrow and the fastest of them all. It is like
the salt for food. It is also regarded as a kind of worship and
alms-giving as is mentioned in a hadith "Smiling at your brother's
face is as charity (Sadaqa)". Abdullah ibn al Harith tells us about
the Prophet (peace be upon him) saying that he had never seen
someone smile at the other's face as the Prophet Muhammad (peace be
upon him) used to do.
Be always the one who initiates greetings:
This arrow is the one that lets you to be in the innermost
depths of the others hearts. This arrow needs a skillful shooter.
The needed skills are the hearty smile, the warm shaking of hands
and the friendly welcoming to the other. Being successfully
achieved, such kinds of skills are going to be rewarded, referring
to the hadith: "In greetings, the better is he who initiates
greeting the other".
Umar al Nadi tells us that he went out once with Umar ibn al
Khattab's son. While walking, he found him saluting all whom he
met, whether being old or young. Al Hasan al-Basri also said
"Shaking hands strengthens brotherhood feelings". The Prophet
Muhammad (peace be upon him) said "Do not ever waste your good
deeds, even by meeting your brother with a frowning face." He said
also "Shaking hands removes hatred and exchanging presents enhances
love and ends enmity".
It has a strange charming affection that captivates all
senses. Hence, exchanging presents and gifts in different occasions
is a pleasant habit however gifts should be within one's tolerable
expenses. Ibrahim al Zahri tells us about his father saying " My
father got a sum of money as a reward , in due , he asked me to
send donations to his family members and friends . As we were about
to finish , he asked me " Have we missed any one?" I answered "No!"
He said "I think that we did." He continued "We have missed someone
whose welcome to me was really warm. Would you please send him this
sum of money?"
Look how he loved the man and wished to reward him for his warm
Be silent..speak in what benefits.
Loud voice and chattering are bad merits. You have to be
sweet-worded, tender in expressing yourself. Concerning this merit,
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said "The good word is a charity
(is a sadaqa)." If the good word has its own magic in winning the
hearts of your enemies how powerfully it would work then with your
Here the Prophet's wife addresses the enemies saying "Damn you"
and the Prophet (peace be upon him) prevents her saying "Calm down.
Allah likes for the matters to be dealt with gently". He also said:
"Nobility of manners and taciturnity are the best of manners that
people are ever characterized by".
The poet says also:
The pious Allah-fearing may keep silent, in spite of being
Be a good listener:
It is to listen patiently and never interrupt the speaker, as the
Prophet (peace be upon him) never interrupted a speaker till he
ended his speech. And he who fights for this merit gains others
love and admiration, whilst on the contrary is the one who chatters
and interrupts the other. Atta` tells us about how he behaves
concerning this merit and says "When someone speaks to me , I
listen to him as if it is the first time I have heard this subject,
though I have heard it thousands of times before.
Appearance and dressing well:
You have to be careful with your appearance so as to be neat, well
-dressed and sweet smelling as well. The Prophet (peace be upon
him) says that Allah loves beauty to be in every thing. Umar Ibn Al
Khattab said also "I like the young man who is sweetly perfumed and
cleanly dressed." Abdullah Ibn Ahmad Ibn Hanbal tells us about his
father saying " I've never seen some one who is as caring to the
cleanliness of his dress , his hair , his moustache and other
undesirable body hair as Ahmad Ibn Hanbal used to do"
Being in others favor and helping them:
Concerning this, the poet says:
Good treatment of the other is the only way of captivating his
Good treatment you classifies you as an obedient, beloved slave of
Allah as the Prophet (peace be upon him) Muhammad says "The more
you are in favor of others, the more you are beloved by Allah" as
Allah says in the Quran "And spend of your substance in the cause
of Allah, and make not your own hands contribute to (your)
destruction; but do good; for Allah loveth those who do good"
The poet says also:
Be a dear friend to all, whom you know,
For all, you should be as freshening as iced pure water
I really wonder for that man who pays money to buy slaves, while
he can buy those who are free by being good to them, for those (who
treat other well) find many to be in their help.
Being Generous :
Offering money is the key for most of the closed doors that hinder
you from reaching others hearts, especially in these days.
Now I will tell you a story about the magic of the merit of
In the conquest of Makkah, there was a man called "Safwan Ibn
Umia". That man ran away after making all possible means in keeping
the people of Islam and after making conspiracies to kill the
Prophet (peace be upon him). Later on, the Prophet (peace be upon
him) forgave him and he came back asking the Prophet (peace be upon
him) to give him the time of two months to think about Islam and
the Prophet (peace be upon him) said "You can take four months, not
just two". In spite of being an atheist, he accompanied the Prophet
(peace be upon him) in the Hunain and Al Ta'if conquests. In Al
Ta`if, while the Prophet (peace be upon him) was dividing the
booties of the war, he noticed that man looking longingly to a vast
land in which a large number of cattle were flocking. The Prophet
(peace be upon him) asked him "Do you like it?" The man eagerly
answered "Yes." The Prophet (peace be upon him) said "It is for you
then." Safwan said "Only a prophet could behave as generously as
you have to me. I believe that there is no God but Allah and that
Muhammad is His prophet."
Notice how the Prophet (peace be upon him) found the missing key
and succeeded in moving his heart. Some people behave stingily as
if they see the ghost of poverty waiting to attack them once they
think about being generous in offering money.
To have a good opinion of others and to give them an excuse
Keeping an eye on others behavior is a bad merit that blocks
your way to their hearts. On the contrary is to have a good opinion
of them. So, try hard to give your brothers the excuse as much as
you can. Concerning this merit, Ibn Al Mubarak says also "The
believer is he who gives his brothers the excuse , and the
hypocrite is he who seeks their slips."
Express your feelings. instantly:
If you loved someone, or felt good feelings about him, don't wait,
just tell him at once. Regarding this, the Prophet (peace be upon
him) said " If you felt the brotherly love of Islam towards any
,you should immediately go and tell him about your feelings." He
added "It is the way relations are to be strongly indicated". Such
love is to be blessed by Allah if it is for Allah's sake, not for
any other personal affairs such as seeking high position, money,
fame etc.. Unless this love is for Allah's sake, it is a fruitless
kind of brotherhood then. When they meet each other on the Day of
Judgement, they are not brothers any more but enemies, as Allah
says in the Quran " Friends on that Day will be foes, one to
another; except the Righteous." (Az-Zukhruf: 67)
The Prophet (peace be upon him) says "A man is in the company of
whom he loved." By this he means that on the Day of Judgment, a
person will be with whom he loved. So, we have to choose then
between two kinds of societies, one is in enmity and the other is a
kind brotherly one. Hence, we find that the Prophet (peace be upon
him) associated the Makkan immigrants and the Medinan followers as
brothers. It was a rare kind of brotherhood that even two brothers
were to be buried together in one grave after being martyred in the
conquests. Means of brotherhood was always being indicated by the
Prophet (peace be upon him) as he says "You are not allowed to
enter heaven till you believe in Allah and you will not be true
believers unless you love each other. Shall I tell you something to
do that indicates love between you? It is to spread salutation of
Peace among you."
The pity is that people are always either cruelly and harshly
treating each other or extremely tender that they adore each other.
Actually, it is a matter of striking a balance between heart and
mind, something that differs according to the difference of
characters and circumstances. It is absolutely a blessing given by
It is the art of being social. Here, a kind of misconception could
exist between sociability and hypocrisy. Could you differentiate
between the two meanings?
The Prophet (peace be upon him)'s wife, Aisha said "A man came to
visit us, but to my surprise, once the Prophet (peace be upon him)
saw him, he said "O.that ill- mannered man", but the Prophet (peace
be upon him) changed completely once he sat with him. He welcomed
the man warmly, smiling in his face. When the man left, I asked the
Prophet (peace be upon him) about what had surprised me; how he
considered this man as being bad, and how he talked to him in such
warmth? The Prophet (peace be upon him) answered "Have you ever
seen me behaving as a hypocrite?" He added "In the Day of
Judgement, the worst degrees are for those whom people deserted for
being mistreated by them."
Al Qurtubi differentiates between hypocrisy and sociability,
regarding sociability as a desirable legal behavior, saying that
sociability means sacrificing the worldly affairs for the sake of
improving either life on earth or religion, or so as to improve
both, while hypocrisy aims at sacrificing religion for the sake of
the worldly affairs.
Hence, being sociable for ill-mannered people is aiming to achieve
Firstly, to avoid being mistreated by them.
Secondly, being good to them could be guidance for them to step
the right way. Compliments should be within worldly affairs only,
never in religious affairs, otherwise, it will be a matter of
To be sociable, means to be tender, smiling, praising to the
other, intending in the meantime a legal benefit. The Prophet
(peace be upon him) says "Being sociable, is as alms-giving." Ibn
Battal says also "Sociability is an ethic of the believers; it is
to show open-mindedness in treating others and to delicately speak
to them. Both are important elements in seeking reasons for